Hyde: So, Mrs. Forman told me to get this thing out of her sight. Now, that could mean put it in the garage, leave it out for the garbage man. I like to think it meant, "Hey, have a free canoe."
Fez: Man, the three of us with a canoe, we'll be unstoppable. What should we do with it?
Hyde: Let's see. What could we do with a canoe that would make people say, "Oh, no, what's wrong with them?"
Kelso: [yells] Oh, oh! I know what we could do today that's gonna be really fun.
Hyde: Kelso, the last time you said that, we had to get your stomach pumped. I'm in.

Hyde: Hey, so, how do you plan on steering this thing on land?
Kelso: [holds up oar] Duh.
Fez: Kelso, I think you should wear a helmet just in case anything goes wrong.
Kelso: Fez, I'm riding an open canoe down a rocky mountainside. What could possibly go wrong?
Hyde: I think I'm with Fez on this helmet thing.
Kelso: Oh, no, I'm not falling for that one.
Hyde: Falling for what?
Kelso: The old helmet gag.
Hyde: Kelso, I just want you to protect your head from being crushed like a berry.
Kelso: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Now, let go of the ropes and watch me fly!
Fez & Hyde: One, two, three.
Kelso: Whoo-hoo! [canoe doesn't move] Whoo-hoo! [canoe still doesn't move]
[When Kelso steps out of the canoe and throws the oar inside, the canoe slides down the mountainside]
Kelso: Oh, man! Stupid thing. Oh! Oh, man, that could've been me!

Kelso: We'll get a running start and then I'll jump in and zoom down the hill like the bobsledders do.
Fez: And then, because this is a canoe on dirt and gravel instead of a bobsled on ice, bad things are gonna happen to you.
Kelso: This is why I'm a legend, Fez.
Hyde: All right, Kelso, this time you're wearing a helmet.
Kelso: Thanks, Hyde, but I think I'm not gonna put on a helmet with a bunch of worms and stuff crammed inside.
Hyde: It's not a prank.
Kelso: Well, now it's not, 'cause I didn't fall for it.
Hyde: It finally happened. I've become the boy who cried helmet.
Kelso: Okay, on three. Go!
[Kelso runs ahead of the canoe and crashes down the mountainside]
Kelso: [o.s.] Holy crap! Did you see me bounce off of that tree?

Fez: I took it.
Donna: Why?
Fez: Uh, I forgot to go to the bathroom.
[Fez runs down to the basement again:]
Fez: She wants to know why.
Eric: Because you're a pervert.
Fez: Hey! No, wait. That's true. I don't even have to lie.
[Fez runs back up to the kitchen:]
Fez: Because I'm a pervert.
Donna: Fez, I'm gonna kick your ass.
Fez: Eric!

Donna: Oh, my God. What happened to my dress?
Eric: Donna, I can explain. I destroyed it.

Hyde: Ever think maybe we're getting too old for this kind of thing?
Kelso: No, you can't control the timing of when a canoe is gonna come into your life.
Jackie: Oh, Steven, this is a horrible stunt. You're gonna get hurt.
Hyde: No, no, I'm driving the car. Kelso will be in the canoe.
Jackie: Oh! Okay, have fun.

Jackie: Donna, what happened?
Donna: It's ruined. My dress is ruined. What am I gonna do?
Bob: It's okay, honey. I'll find you a new dress, a better dress.
Kelso: [o.s.] This is my greatest achievement ever!
Donna: Dad, I love this dress. Some random thing off the rack just won't be the same.
Kelso: [o.s.] The rope broke!
Bob: Runaway canoe!
Kelso: Yes! Oh, no, Donna, I think I ripped your dress.

Bob: Here, sweetie. For you.
Donna: What's this? [opens box] Mom's wedding dress?
Bob: Yeah. Swallowed a little pride and called to ask her if it would be okay.
Donna: Yeah, but you guys haven't talked in, like, a year.
Bob: It was a little awkward, especially when I said, "It's Bob." And she said, "Bob who?" I love it.
Eric: Hey, looks like we kind of saved the day.
Donna: Don't touch me.
Eric: Okay.
Donna: Thanks, Daddy.
Bob: Hey, anything for you, pumpkin. Plus, I need the room in the attic for my stuffed bobcat. What was I thinking?

Kelso: I figured out how to get the canoe down the mountain. But I'm gonna need a snow blower and all your butter.