Eric: [whispers] Psst. Psst, Mom. Mom, is Donna here?
Kitty: [whispers] No. Why are we whispering? [normal voice] You tore her dress?
Eric: Yeah, see, that would have been a really good thing to whisper!
Kitty: All right, well, it doesn't look too bad. I think I can fix it. Put it down. I'll get my sewing box.
Eric: Mom, thank you. [places dress on kitchen table]
Kitty: Not on the shoe polish!
Eric: [looks at his hands] What have you done, you bony bastards?
Kitty: Okay, okay. I think I can clean it, but we have to act fast.
Eric: Okay, go, go, go, go.
[As Kitty runs away, the dress rips under Eric's feet]
Eric: Please tell me that sound was a rip in the space-time continuum.

Donna: Have you seen my wedding dress?
Eric: Whoa. You lost the wedding dress? [chuckles] What happens when we have a kid? You gonna lose that, too? [chuckles]
Donna: Oh, my God. I'll find it. Don't worry. I'll find it. [exits]
Eric: Okay.
Kitty: What is the matter with you? You just made her feel terrible.
Eric: I was nervous. You know I don't know when to shut up.
[When Eric grabs the wedding dress from the refrigerator, there's a bright orange stain]
Eric: What the hell is that?
Kitty: You know, there is gonna be a time when you look back on this, and you're gonna think it's funny. You're gonna be single, 'cause Donna will never marry you, but you're gonna think it's funny.

Kitty: Honey, what is taking so long? I told you to put the dress in the wash for 20 minutes.
Eric: Yeah, and now it's in the dryer.
Kitty: Oh, no, please tell me you just put it in. [timer dings]
[Eric squeals after Kitty removes a shrunken, grey dress from the dryer]
Kitty: Okay, okay. Let's look on the bright side. Maybe grey is a more honest color for Donna.

Donna: Hi. Um, Fez, I know how you... How do I say this? Um... I know you sometimes like to hang out in my closet.
Fez: Yes, and?
Donna: Do you know what happened to my wedding dress?
Fez: Uh... I have to go to the bathroom.

Fez: Eric, Donna wants to know what happened to her dress.
Eric: Oh, tell her you took it.
Fez: She'll kill me.
Eric: Uh, she'll kill me more.
Fez: Fine, fine. But at your wedding, I want my own dance solo.
Eric: Yeah, absolutely. Anything you want.
Fez: With my own spotlight.
Eric: Fine.
Fez: And a mention in the program.
Eric: Fine! Look, but if you don't get upstairs, there will be no wedding, which means there will be no dance solo.
Fez: Oh, there will be a dance solo.

Kelso: All right, Kelso, listen. You gotta wear the helmet, all right?
Fez: Yeah, protect that face. That's your money.
Kelso: No, I don't want to.
Red: Kelso, you're not pulling out of this driveway until you put on a helmet.
Kelso: Fine. Everyone's against me. [engine starts] Let the sparks fly! [whoops]
Red: Look at that crazy bastard. He may not be smart, but he has more fun than all of us combined.
Bob: Yep, we had a guy like him in the National Guard.
Red: Yeah, what happened to him?
Bob: Invented the wiffle ball.

Eric: Look, Donna, I'm so sorry about what happened.
Donna: Well, what I don't get is after the second rip and the first stain, why you didn't just put the dress away.
Eric: Hmm. Well, at that point, it had become personal. It was me against the dress, and, well, I was damned if I was gonna let the dress win.
Donna: You know, I knew we shouldn't have broken our no-sex rule. We completely cursed ourselves.
Eric: Okay, enough of this voodoo nonsense. Bad things happen because I am stupid. You're marrying a stupid guy, Donna. Good luck with me.

Red: I've got the perfect gift for Eric. Timeless advice from all my years of marriage.
Kitty: Well, advice from a father to a son. That's lovely.
Eric: That is nice, Dad. What is it?
Red: Never come home drunk with a canoe. [exits]
Kitty: That's actually good advice.

Eric: Oh, hey, Jackie. I just left my coat here after Donna and I... Well, I'm sure she already filled you in on all the juicy details, so...
Jackie: Yeah, heard all about your little leg cramp.
Eric: Hey, I can turn a leg cramp into magic. [Jackie exits] Eh... She just doesn't get me. [opens closet] Oh, no, Donna's wedding dress. Oh, no. Donna's wedding dress. Bad luck. Bad voodoo. Please, give me a break. [rips dress]

Eric: Well, fellows, I convinced Donna to break her celibacy vow, which in laymen's terms means I'm a layman.
Hyde: Damn, Forman, you got your girlfriend to have sex with you? What is your secret?
Eric: Okay, you guys, it's a big deal. Have either of you ever slept with my girlfriend?
Kelso: No, but I've done it with Hyde's girlfriend. And I was good. [Hyde punches Kelso's arm]