Hyde: You know what? I'll just sign it myself. I've written Frampton's name on plenty of things. I'll just leave off the "sucks" part.

Hyde: You're giving me the Clapton guitar?
William Barnett: Yep, you deserve it.
Hyde: Uh, yeah. WB, I got something kind of bad to tell you. Well, actually it's kind of funny too. No, it's mostly bad. You know, I'd say 50/50 funny, bad. I threw the most freaking awesome party here last night and, uh, well... [chuckles] We broke your Frampton guitar.
William Barnett: What's the funny part?
Hyde: Oh, you see, I was hoping that was the funny part, 'cause I put the "ha ha" in there.
Leo: It made me laugh. [chuckles]
William Barnett: So while I was away, you disobeyed my wishes, used my house for a party and broke something that was extremely valuable to me? I have a son! [hugs Hyde]
Hyde: You're not mad?
William Barnett: Nah, 'course not.
Hyde: Do I still get the Clapton guitar?
William Barnett: Oh, hell no. I can't trust you worth a damn.

William Barnett: Whoa. Look at all these kids. Pretty busy for a Tuesday morning.
Hyde: Yeah, it's kind of a fire sale. We put stuff on sale and then I go down to the high school and pull the fire alarm.
William Barnett: If the store keeps doing okay, there might be a nice bonus in your future. Or as I like to call it, retroactive child support.

Kitty: Oh, this pineapple reminds me of Donna. It's a little tart.
Bob: Hey. Don't call my daughter names. You can call me names. But I really wish you wouldn't.
Kitty: Well, I just... I don't know what she sees in Randy. He's so charming and friendly and always willing to lend a helping hand. What a jackass.

Bob: I like him. He calls me Mr. P. How did he come up with that one?

Hyde: Damn, this place is clean, man. Sure no woman lives here?
William Barnett: Steven, please, I don't need a woman living here to keep a clean house. I have a maid. And she's a white girl.

Fez: Hey, guys, the toilet seat in there is heated. It felt so good on my face.

Donna: Okay, we should probably say good night here, because if my Dad sees us kissing, he'll yell, "Whoo-hoo!" [kisses Randy]
Kitty: Oh, look at this. Donna and Randy kissing.
Donna: Whoo-hoo.
Kitty: Well, I guess I shouldn't get too upset because, after all, it's none of my business what two people do in the privacy of my own driveway.
Donna: Mrs. Forman, I'm sorry you're uncomfortable, but for the last time, Eric broke up with me.
Kitty: I don't care. You should still be waiting for him. When Red went to war, I waited for him and I had more men coming after me than Hitler.
Donna: That's different. Eric chose to go to Africa and he chose to break up with me.
Kitty: Well, maybe he wouldn't have left if you were a better girlfriend.
Donna: Well, maybe if you hadn't been so smothering and controlling, he wouldn't have gone halfway across the world just to get away from you! [both gasp and walk away]

Bob: Come on, Red, do one more. What am I now?
Red: A deer.
Bob: Nope, a rhinoceros. What am I know?
Red: A moron.
Bob: Wrong again, I'm a deer!

Kitty: Oh, hi, Donna. I didn't recognize you without six feet of strange boy attached to your face.
Donna: Mrs. Forman, about what happened in the driveway, we both said some things we probably didn't mean.
Kitty: I didn't.
Donna: Well, I'm just saying, you know, we both got emotional and we said some things we might want to take back.
Kitty: Can't think of anything.
Donna: You do admit that you were in the driveway, right?
Kitty: I don't know. Looked more like a brothel to me.