Eric: Tell me this. How'd the 50-year-old guy get the girl? Look at me. I'm an attractive man. [to Donna] Well, I got you.
Donna: Technically, I got you. And then you blew it.
Hyde: Which means you didn't lose it, because you never had it. See, there's your silver lining.
Donna: Eric, you have a lot of good qualities. I mean, you're funny. Like... Well, what just happened to you is funny.

Eric: How come Red is such a hard-ass, and I am so... I mean... Okay, when a bear has a baby it's a little bear, right? My dad's a bear, but I'm like a duck.
Donna: Eric, you were a bear when you were born but Red pounded you into the duck that we know and love.
Eric: So, what are you saying? It's- It's Red's fault?
Kelso: Yeah. But the good news is, as a duck you can move more easily through the water.

Fez: Rhonda, is that you? Boy, you look like a different girl.
Rhonda: Do you like it? [snorting laugh]
Fez: Oh. Well, I thought we would begin our evening with a hot dog eating contest. Now, I realize you're county champion but I think I could make it interesting.
Rhonda: Sorry, Fez. I don't eat hot dogs for glory or money anymore. It's not ladylike.
Fez: Says who?
Rhonda: Says them.
Fez: Them? What have you meddling whores done to my Rhonda?

Kitty: So, what are you boys doing tonight?
Fez: Well, this evening, Miss Big Rhonda returns from the dirt farms of Mississippi. I am off to the bus station and she will melt into my loving arms.
Red: Well, you better wear a raincoat, 'cause she ain't small. [laughs]
Fez: She is big, isn't she?

Rhonda: Crap-alula. Fez just asked me out. I'm so nervous, and I left my asthma puffer in Mississippi. I've never been on a real date. What am I gonna wear?
Kelso: Who cares? You could be naked with a welding hat and Fez'd still be all over you.
Rhonda: Well, that sounds like fun. But I want it to be special.
Donna: You know what? We'll help you get ready.
Rhonda: Really?
Donna: Mm-hmm.
Rhonda: Oh, that'll be great. I wanna look pretty.
Jackie: Pretty? Oh, sweetie, maybe you can learn some jokes or something.

Red: Hey, you know who I like?
Eric: Nixon?
Red: Stacey, that cute, new cashier at work. You should ask her out.
Eric: Sorry, Dad. I don't like to dip my pen in the company ink.
Red: Well, I don't like you being home three Fridays in a row. Look, if you don't have the guts to talk to her... I'll pave the way.
Eric: Hey. Listen, if anyone's gonna talk to her... I'll talk to her.
Red: Well, then we know no one's gonna talk to her.
Eric: Hey, I might.
Red: You- You still like girls, don't you, son?
Eric: No, Dad, they're yucky.

Kelso: Oh, my God.
Eric: I know. She is seriously hot.
Kelso: No, not her. This KISS alarm clock. Check it out. ["Rock And Roll All Nite" by KISS plays]
Male Voice: Wake up.
Kelso: Yeah, this I like.

Hyde: Forman, you have a responsibility to all of us to find out what's underneath that smock.
Kelso: I bet it's boobs.
Red: So, spying on her, huh? Well, that's mature. Why don't you just pull her hair and run?
Fez: Yes, let's do that.
Eric: All right. All right, all right. All right. All right. I'm gonna go do this. [stands still] Yeah, all right. I can't do this.
Red: Oh, geez. I'll go talk to her.
Eric: No! {Red turns around] What? Now you're gonna start listening to me? Go! Grease the wheels, pal.

Jackie: Okay, the beauty ambulance has arrived! [sighs] So, first things first. Let's get rid of those shoulder pads.
Rhonda: What shoulder pads?
Jackie: Okay.

Red: So, Stacey, my son Eric is about your age. And he's a real nice guy. Skinny but nice. And I was thinking the two of you should go out. What do you say?
Stacey: Well, I kinda like someone else. [places hand on Red's knee]
Red: Oh! Oh. Oh... no.