Red: I don't care what that doctor says. I'm not wearing this stupid heart monitor. Makes me look like a damn robot.
Kitty: Red, I'm sure you won't even know it's there. It'll only beep if your heart rate goes above normal, like when you get agitated, or excited, or extra angry, or extra happy. Putting my money on extra angry.
Red: I bet the damn thing doesn't even work.
Kitty: You know what, Red? Your attitude stinks. You wouldn't be in this mess if you just listened to me in the first place.
Red: Kitty...
Kitty: I told you to eat more fiber in the mornings. I told you to exercise. I even told you to wear more comfortable shoes for circulation. Did you listen? No. So, I guess I'm just gonna keep telling you and telling you and telling you... [monitor beeps]
Red: What do you know? It does work.

Fez: What's the big deal? Bob and Pam are those who want to do what comes naturally to everybody except me. So, I say, why can't they get any?
Donna: You know, Pam wants to be with my dad now, but what happens when someone else comes along? I wouldn't care so much if I could just, you know, test her with a hotter guy and see if she falls for him.
Eric: Because I love you... I'll do it.
Hyde: Why would you do it? This is a man's job. Don't wait up for me, baby.
Donna: No, it has to be someone her type.
Jackie: Well, I know from our time in Mexico that she has a weakness for young, dark-skinned guys.
Fez: Well, I guess I can ask around.

Red: Mmm. That smells delicious. What is it?
Kitty: It's not for you. You can go look for scraps around the neighborhood like the rest of the dogs.
Red: Kitty, for the last time, I'm not attracted to Pam. Please, believe me, as the husband who has shared your laughter and tears for... many happy years.
Kitty: How many years, Red?
Red: All of them.
Kitty: You can't give me a number, can you?
Red: Well, I can tell you on a scale of one to 10, I love you 10. That's a number.
Kitty: Oh, why don't you just take your cardiac jukebox over to Pam's?

Pamela: Hi, Kitty. Hi, Red. I thought we'd come over and see if you two wanted to catch a movie.
[Kitty and Red stare at his heart monitor in confusion when it doesn't beep]
Pamela: Why are you staring? Too pretty for Wisconsin? I get that a lot.
Kitty: You shut it off, didn't you?
Red: No, I did not shut it off.
Bob: [enters] Let's hustle it up. I don't want to sit behind people with hats.
Red: [heart monitor beeps] Ha! Look at that, nosy. It's not Pam, it's Bob, because he annoys me.
Bob: That's true. I do.

Bob: Hey, everybody. I brought a date. Look how tall she is. It's like I'm dating the Statue of Liberty.
Pamela: Oh, Kitty, I just love coming over to your house. You have such unique tastes. It's like being in a giant flea market.
Kitty: [to Donna] And like at every flea market, Bob's gonna leave with the tackiest thing here.

Eric: Mrs. Burkhart! That's weird. Golly, I didn't know you were dropping by.
Donna: Yeah, you did. I told you she was and you said, "Oh, boy, I'm gonna wear my suit."
Eric: Well, I'm sorry, Donna, is there some kind of law against being handsome? Because if there is, then... Guilty as charged.
Hyde: Mrs. Burkhart, when did you get here? Is it too much for you people to let me know that we have company?
Kitty: One bronzed-up tart in the room and all the men turn into a bunch of oversexed fraternity boys.
Red: Kitty, you're just imagining things.
[As Kitty opens the front door, a smartly-dressed Kelso barges into the living room]
Kelso: What's she wearing?

Red: Pam, you want another drink?
Kitty: No, honey, you shouldn't be drinking. You have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. He has a heart condition. He's very old.

Kitty: Oh, look at her. Would you ever want me to show that much leg?
Red: Absolutely not.
Kitty: And why not?
Red: You set me up.

Donna: Jackie, I can't see your mom's hand, which means it's on my dad's butt.
Jackie: We have to break them up. I've been badmouthing Pinciottis for years. I can't be one.

Pamela: So that's when I realized that tapas sounds a lot like topless. But I already promised, so...
Eric: Hey, Mrs. Burkhart. Why don't I throw on some music for us to shake our booties to?
Red: Hey, stop acting like an ass in front of the pretty lady.
Pamela: That's okay, Red. I think he's cute.
Red: Yeah, well. He is my son, you know?