Kitty: Good afternoon, sunshine. So, what have you got planned for today?
Laurie: Same as every day. Lie on the couch, do my nails, avoid talking to you. It's not going that well, so far.

Eric: Boy, ice fishing's fun.
Kelso: I like this place. Out here in the middle of a frozen lake. It's cozy, don't you think, Jackie?
Jackie: If by "cozy," you mean "small and smelly," then, yes!
Kelso: [laughs] Good one, Jackie. That's funny.
Fez: Well, she needs a sense of humor with an unfaithful ex-boyfriend who brings her to a dump like this.
Kelso: Ow. Nice.
Fez: Thank you.

Hyde: Hey, Leo, what's in the bag, man?
Leo: How can I put this? Let's just say in this bag are illegal drugs.
Hyde: What? Come on, man. You know I'm on probation!
Leo: Nah, it's cool, man. All you have to do is just not get pulled over. [sirens wail] What did I just tell you, man?

Fez: Gentlemen, our ladies have already written down the answers to their questions. First up, Eric. Eric, what is Donna's favorite pizza topping?
Eric: Pepperoni.
Fez: Donna?
Donna: Pepperoni!
Eric: We're such the perfect couple!
Donna: I know!
Fez: Now, Kelso.
Kelso: Mushrooms! [laughs]
Fez: No, no, no, no, no. That is not your question. And minus two for interrupting the host.
Kelso: Oh.
Fez: Minus two.
Kelso: Okay, sorry.
Fez: It's okay. Minus two.

Fez: Okay, Eric, according to Donna... what is Donna's last name?
Eric: Pinciotti.
Donna: [shrieks]
Eric: Oh, my God. Yes.
Fez: Correct. [clears throat] Now, Kelso... Jackie has distant relatives in the Cook Islands. In the early 1900s, what species of turtle did they save from extinction? Take your time.
Kelso: Ladderback.
Jackie: [holds up the answer "Ladderback"] Michael, you're amazing!

Donna: Whoa, whoa, Fez. Eric, you think I have enormous feet?
Eric: No. No, no. You think that. Last week, you said you hated your "huge Wile E. Coyote feet."
Donna: Eric, I only said that so you'd say they're not big.
Eric: And they're not big.
Kelso: I'm sorry, but, dude, that's a lie.
Donna: Oh, my God, I don't believe this.
Eric: No, Donna, no, you're looking at this all wrong. Big feet make you, like, really stable. You know? Really hard to knock over.
Donna: Get bent. [shoves Eric]
Eric: See? I have small feet.

Fez: Okay, this is it. For all the marbles. Jackie, what was your answer?
Jackie: Um, hmm... Well, if I had to change one thing about me it would have to be that I'm too cute and all other girls are jealous.
Fez: Kelso?
[Jackie shrieks as Kelso holds up a pad reading "Too cute, all other girls jealous"]
Jackie: Oh, my God, Michael! That's amazing! Oh! I- Oh, my God, I almost- Oh, my God. I gotta go talk to Donna. [exits]
Fez: Who would know that you would win a battle of wits? Yeah.
Kelso: [chuckles] Turns out that the key to winning Jackie's heart was in the last place I thought to look... my own brain.

Jackie: Donna, I think I'm actually feeling something for Michael, you know? Donna, would you please stop looking at your feet and listen to me?
Donna: A boyfriend is supposed to tell you the things you don't like about yourself are fine. Like last week, I told Eric his pecs were getting bigger. But I mean, come on. If you lie him on his back, you could fill up his chest with water.
Jackie: Maybe I'm just lonely. Or I need a sign from, like, God. Or, I don't know. Maybe I just need someone to tell me if I'm crazy.
Donna: Jackie, you're crazy.
Jackie: Not you, Bigfoot.

Red: Okay, honey. First of all, always save one beer for Daddy.
Laurie: Okay.
Red: Second of all, we feel that you need to get some direction in your life. And by "we," I mean your mother. See, honey. I'm not really worried. 'Cause I know you're gonna find a nice guy and get married.
Laurie: Exactly.
Red: Right. Someone who can take care of you, who's rich, who's not Kelso. And I think this is a plan that might just work out for you.
Laurie: Okay. But, Daddy, I mean, if I wanted to have a career of my own, I could, right?
Red: Well, sure. I just don't want you to set yourself up for... Like what happened at the college... I- If you set the bar too high, the fall might be... You see, you're just so pretty. [chuckles nervously] Here's five dollars.

Police Officer: Good evening, gentlemen.
Leo: Is there a problem, "ossifer?"
Police Officer: Did you just say "ossifer?"
Hyde: Uh, no sir, I'm sorry. I distinctly heard him say officer, sir.
Police Officer: Uh-huh. I pulled you over because your left brake light is out. I'm gonna have to write you up a warning.
Leo: Close one, man. [sighs] I thought for sure he was gonna ask what's in the bag.
Police Officer: I'm still right here.
Leo: Uh-oh.
Police Officer: [inspects the bag] Dog food?
Hyde: We were framed! I mean... [blows raspberry] Of course it's dog food. What'd you think it was? Illegal drugs? [chuckles]
Police Officer: All right, weirdos. Drive safe. [walks off]
Hyde: Dog food?
Leo: Yeah. I mean... Oh, wait, man. If the dog food's in this bag, then where's... [gasps] Oh, wow. I gotta check on my dog, man!