Donna: Wow, watching Kelso's van sink makes the size of my feet seem unimportant.
Eric: See, Donna? Size doesn't matter.
Donna: Oh, you don't have to tell me.
Eric: That's... yeah. That's- There's my sweet girl.

Fez: What are you doing? I've been chasing you for six blocks.
Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy. I didn't see you.
Fez: Yeah, nice try. I know all about your master plan. Now, drive, you sneaky son of a bitch.

Hyde: Leo, man, glad you're here. I've been really busy.
Leo: Oh, yeah? I guess my "buy one, get one free" flyer is really bringing in the business.
Hyde: That's 'cause you forgot the "buy one" part.
Leo: Oh, no. Well, good thing we're closing early, man 'cause I need you to give me a ride over to my Cousin Larry's.
Hyde: I don't have a car, man.
Leo: You can drive mine, man. I can't drive since my license got suspended.
Hyde: Why? What'd you do?
Leo: Well, I dropped it in some soda, you know? And it just hung there, suspended. And then when I was looking at it, I ran a red light.

Fez: Too bad Kelso doesn't know anything about Jackie.
Kelso: Whoa. That is not true. I know everything about her. In fact, I'll bet I know more about Jackie than Eric knows about Donna.
Eric: Whoa, Kelso. Walk before you run, baby.
Jackie: You think you know me, Michael? Then prove it.
Fez: Oh, I have an idea. Let's play The Newlywed Game. Eric and Donna versus Kelso and Jackie. And I will be the impartial judge who gets Jackie in the end.
Kelso: What?
Fez: I mean, uh, good- good luck to everyone.

Fez: Now, Kelso, last summer you "accidentally" bounced Jackie off a trampoline. When she woke up in the hospital, what were her first words?
Kelso: Oh, uh, you... "Michael, you idiot."
Jackie: [gasps] Michael, you remembered!

Fez: Okay, Donna if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Donna: Um, well, there's stuff I'd change... but I know Eric, and he'd say "Nothing."
Eric: No, but, wait. But that's not the question.
Donna: Why- Why? What'd you answer?
Eric: It doesn't matter what I answered, because you answered wrong and I don't- I don't- I don't want to play anymore.
Donna: [grabs Eric's pad] "Huge Wile E. Coyote feet"? What the hell does that mean?
Fez: It means you have enormous feet. Jackie?

Kelso: Okay. Now that we're all in the van and you guys can't change your mind, I just want you to know that we're not exactly on the way to my uncle's fabulous cabin in the woods. It's really more of an ice shack.
Donna: Did you say ice shack?
Kelso: Hmm? Yeah. Oh, and, uh, the hot tub... [chuckles] It's really more of a garbage can. Oh, but it's also the bathroom, so...
Donna: Kelso, turn this van around!
Eric: No, Donna, wait. Is there beer?
Kelso: Tons. Hey, and we don't even need a refrigerator 'cause it's so freaking cold.
Eric: Paradise.

Kelso: Oh, and, uh, before we pick up Jackie, I just want to make sure everybody knows what this trip is about.
Donna: The fabulous hot-tub toilet?
Kelso: No. Eric, tell her about my master plan.
Eric: Oh. Yeah. See, Kelso, when you start a sentence with the words "master plan," I just kind of know it's gonna be stupid, so I just naturally tune out.
Kelso: Okay, well, my master plan is... Eric, pay attention! This is about a romantic double date. It's you and Donna and me and Jackie.
Donna: Kelso, you do know you're not actually dating Jackie, right?
Kelso: That's why it's a secret double date.

Kelso: See, I told Jackie that the whole gang was coming but then, I didn't invite Hyde. Especially not Fez. He's all over Jackie.
Donna: Look, I'm not doing this. Turn this van around!
Kelso: No, I need you guys. See, if you're there- You guys are, like, the perfect couple. And- And if you're there then, I can just copy all the sissy, loser things that Eric does for you.
Donna: I really do enjoy your sissy, loser things.
Eric: Yeah, like when I had first dibs on that seat, but I took the hump. It's a small price to pay to keep milady happy.
Kelso: Exactly. I want to be that dork.

Kelso: Hey, what the hell was that jacket business, man? Uh, you're making me look bad.
Fez: Look, Kelso, you are my good, good friend, but I will stop at nothing to win Jackie. And if you're in my way, I will destroy you.