Donna: What do you think of this fork?
Eric: Donna, I think all this stuff is too ordinary for us, you know? Let's get something bejeweled.
Donna: Who are you, Liberace?
Eric: Yes, I'm Liberace.

Donna: All right, what do you think of this fork?
Kelso: Wh- No, no, no. You're not gonna rope me into that. Just make Eric do it.
Donna: No, Eric's banned from doing it. He actually wanted me to eat dinner with Bambi's foot.
Kelso: What is this, the Cherokee collection? Oh, well, he picked the ugliest one so you wouldn't make him go shopping. It's classic.
Donna: I knew something was fishy. He's terrified of Indians. Oh, he's gonna pay for this. He thought he had a bad time the other day. He doesn't know what a bad time is. I am gonna stop having sex with him. Oh, crap, I already did that.

Kelso: All right, look, I hate to sell him out, but the poor kid lacks subtlety. He's... Eric's... How do I put... He's a bit of a rube. You know, like, a little country. A maroon, if you will.
Donna: Kelso, what's your point?
Kelso: Well, I'm just saying you could do better. I mean, I'm here, you're here. [whispers] Nobody has to know.
Donna: Kelso!
Kelso: Okay, fine, you can tell two friends.

Fez: So I invested $11 in Kelso's adult stroller idea. I'm going to be a millionaire.
Eric: Really? So if I buy one, like, who's gonna push me around?
Fez: Trained bears. Kelso's got it all figured out. I'm just the money man.

Jackie: Hey, guys, where's Donna? I found this place that etches your silhouette on your china. Oh! We are so doing that when we get married. Steven, people can eat right off my face.
Fez: Then guess who's coming to dinner.
Hyde: Jackie, you're driving me insane. Look, I want you to make me a promise. You will not talk about weddings or anything wedding-related in or around the United States.
Jackie: Fine, I won't talk about weddings or anything wedding-related in or around the continental United States.
Hyde: Not the continental United States. We're talking Hawaii and Alaska, too.
Jackie: Fine, but if we're ever in Canada, I am going nuts!

Donna: Eric, bad news. A deejay at the radio station got sick, so I have to cover his shift all week. I'm not gonna be able to register for wedding gifts.
Eric: Oh, no. Well, I guess we'll just have to live with whatever forks come in the mail willy-nilly.
Donna: Well, actually, you're gonna have to shop for everything.
Fez: Wait, wait, wait. Back up here. Who are you calling willy-nilly?
Eric: Look, Donna, I can't shop. I have horrible taste, remember? "I guess I'm just bad at it."
Donna: You are almost unbelievably bad at it. And that's why I've decided Jackie will go shopping with you.
Jackie: Oh, yay!
Eric: No, no, no. You promised Hyde that you wouldn't do any more wedding stuff.
Jackie: Yeah, but here's the thing about me. I lie.

Fenton: So today we'll be looking at crystal. You see how all the different colors intermingle without any judgment? See that?
Jackie: Yeah, okay, move over, Tony Randall. I'm in charge. Today, we'll be looking at china.
Fenton: I see you let the redhead go. I can't say I'm an expert on women, but I think you traded up.
Jackie: Okay, I will lay out four possible choices. You will then choose your favorite. I will disregard that and choose the correct one.
Eric: So what will I be doing?
Jackie: Oh, you will be holding my purse and eating candy.
Eric: All right.
Jackie: Here, make the Sugar Daddy last.
Fenton: Oh, if only someone had given me that advice four years ago.

Kitty: This spice rack is a real mess. It's like someone got drunk and put everything out of order. I mean, cayenne pepper, cumin, celery salt? It's insanity!
[Red's fantasy: Red is captaining a ship with Kitty at his side:]
Kitty: Oh, Duke, I'd like to show you my coconuts.
Red: Well, give me a minute to raise my mast, and then we can really make some waves.
Fez: [jumps aboard] Not so fast! If anyone's making waves around here, it's me. I'm trained in judo, hapkido and karate. I can also talk about you behind your back. And when it gets back to you, it'll really sting. So prepare to die. [Red steps forward] [Fez jumps overboard]
[reality:]
Red: You know, Kitty, Eric's not home. We have the whole upstairs to ourselves.
[After Red and Kitty run out of the kitchen, Kitty returns to the spice rack:]
Kitty: Would have been thinking about that the whole time. [runs out]

Donna: Okay, Eric just called, and he's having fun shopping. All right, with me, it's torture, but when I send him to pick out wedding gifts with J...
Hyde: Pick out wedding gifts with who?
Donna: Um... Jehoshaphat. Remember him from school? He was always, you know, jumping.
Hyde: You sent Forman out to do wedding stuff with Jackie?
Donna: Look, I had to punish him, and what better way than to make him spend the day with Jackie?
Kelso: Yeah, she's got you there. I mean, your girlfriend is annoying. Plus, I used to do it with her all the time, so that's gotta hurt.
Hyde: Man, I thought I had this wedding crap taken care of. Now I gotta go down to the mall. Ah, and Three's Company is about to start. This day's gone all to hell!

Fez: What happened to my favorite blouse?
Kitty: A lady never talks about what happens in the bedroom.
Fez: Ah, looks like Red picked up some tricks from the Duke in Mutiny From Behind.
Kitty: He read my dirty girl book?
Fez: Yes, I caught him. Ironically, from behind.