Donna: Hey, Jeri. This is Fez, and he would like to apply for the shampoo boy job.
Jeri: Yeah? Why do you wanna be a shampoo boy?
Fez: Because I love hair, on the head, on the body, on the floor, and if there's one on my salad, I enjoy it more.
Donna: Fez.
Fez: Okay, maybe I got a little carried away. The one on my salad, I can take it or leave it.

Hyde: Well, thanks for lunch, man. I gotta say, a burger just tastes better when it's bought for you by your new Black dad.
William Barnett: So, you must really love Led Zeppelin. That's the oldest shirt I've ever seen on someone who wasn't a bum.
Hyde: Hey, if God didn't want me to wear it so much, he wouldn't have made them rock so hard.
William Barnett: Zep is cool, I caught them back in '69, front row.
Hyde: Whoa.
William Barnett: I did well with the ladies that night. They probably thought I was Jimi Hendrix. I told them I was Jimi Hendrix.

Eric: So, Hyde, when my dad offered you the job, what exactly did he say? Was it like, um, "Since I don't see my own son here right now, I might as well just give you the job."
Hyde: I can't believe I got a job from my dad and from Red. Now I have two jobs. It's like I'm a workaholic. I gotta tell you, that's not the kind of holic I thought I'd be.

Red: Steven, I have a little surprise for you. Pretty nice, huh? [holds up uniform] They already had a bunch of patches that said "Steven." But I had a "Hyde" one custom-made 'cause I know that's what you prefer.
Eric: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Custom-made? He once got me a hat that said "Erin" because it was "close enough."
Hyde: Uh, thanks, Red, this is really cool.
Red: Yeah, well, you can buy your own pants.

Donna: Fez! Shouldn't you be doing something with soap and water?
Fez: Oh, so you want it wet and soapy.
Donna: Fez, I just want my hair washed.
Fez: Oh, so you wanna call the shots.
Donna: Don't do the silly "want" stuff.
Fez: Oh, so you want it silent?
Donna: Fez.
Fez: Okay, okay. Showtime. Now, you are about to experience some feelings. My advice is, give in to them.

Red: Hey, come on in, look around. Heck, take a muffler if you like. Tom, I'm just kidding. Don't touch anything you're not gonna buy. WB, surprised to see you here.
William Barnett: Well, I just wanted to see why Steven would take a job at a muffler shop instead of working for me in an office with air-conditioning and a pension plan. I guess white folks are just weird.

Eric: And he didn't even think about offering me the job, did he?
Kitty: Oh, well, honey, he just didn't think you were a good fit.
Eric: It's called Forman & Son.
Kitty: It doesn't say whose son.

Red: Hey, Eric. How'd you like to work for me?
Eric: Here? With you? Wow, Dad, that would mean a lot. Then it really would be Forman & Son.
Red: So, you'll take the job?
Eric: Hell, no.
Red: Good.
Eric: I mean, I don't wanna work. This is my year off.
Kitty: Then why did you complain all day about not getting the job?
Eric: Oh, well, Mom, I just wanted to get invited to the dance. I mean, I didn't want to dance. Hell, I don't even know any of the steps.
Kitty: Honey, you are a wonderful dancer.

Hyde: Hey, man. Is that job still available? 'Cause Red just fired me.
William Barnett: Sure. Job's yours.
Hyde: Cool. When do I start?
William Barnett: How about Monday?
Hyde: Ooh, Monday's are gonna be tough for me. I find I'm fresher if I start my work week on a Tuesday. Say, sometime after lunch?
William Barnett: I'll see you Monday at 9:00.
Hyde: Let's call it 10:00.

Donna: Jackie, Jackie. Fez shampooed my hair.
Jackie: And you were able to untie yourself and get away?
Donna: No, Jackie, his hands were amazing. At one point, it was like he had five extra fingers.
Jackie: Well, Donna, he is foreign. He might.