Cheyenne: I got a map and marked down where everyone lived, and then I used logistics to figure out the most efficient carpools.
Dina: Wow. You really put a lot of effort into this.
Cheyenne: Yeah, I haven't sold, like, anything today. Like, nothing.
Dina: A few thoughts: you've got Mark riding with Terrence. They hate each other. Sarah and Rob are going through a divorce. Sarah had that secret family. So did Rob. Um, see this line between Heather and Cody? That's a river. So how are they carpooling? Submarine?
Cheyenne: Yeah.
Dina: Herman's riding with Rico, but Rico's got BO, and Herman's dead. You can't put Phil with anyone Korean. He's not racist. He's too into it. And I wouldn't ride with Elias even if you promised to murder my entire family. But, uh, other than those, nice work.

Mateo: So sparkly.
Kelly: I'm sorry?
Mateo: All these months. Playing dumb. Just playing so dumb. All the time! [chuckles] Well, you knew exactly what you were doing. You were going for the gold.
Kelly: Are you talking about the vest?
Mateo: You can drop the act, Helen Mirren. You got what you wanted.
Kelly: Mateo, you know that this is just some silly made-up award, right? I mean, it's completely meaningless. It's like Employee of the Month.
Mateo: You are the most petty, jealous, and bitter person I've ever met. [storms off]
Kelly: [sighs] I gotta get the [bleep] out of here.

Carol: Need help finding anything, Jer-Bear?
Jerry: Yeah, I'm looking for some art with just, like, words on it. Like maybe it says dream or cat or Merlot. I don't know, I'm not an artist.
Carol: Let's see what we can find. You look amazing, by the way. What have you lost, like, 10 pounds?
Jerry: I don't know. I've never weighed myself.
Carol: [laughs] You are so funny! You make me laugh harder than anybody! I mean, I am laughing so hard, I am crying. [lifts up top] [laughs] Oh. Oh, sorry. I forgot I wasn't wearing a bra.
Jerry: Uh, that's okay.
Carol: I am so embarrassed. Don't look at my face. [lifts up top again]

Cheyenne: And then I realized that Dom always says creepy things to women when he's alone with them. So I had him pick up Jarrett before Amanda. But then the problem was, who is driving Debbie? And then I remembered, Debbie had that cocaine problem so she can't smell a thing. Which brings us back to Kyle the farter. Boom.
Garrett: Now, you know a lot of these people don't work the same shift, right?
Cheyenne: Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Garrett: I mean, they wouldn't even be at the store at the same time.
Cheyenne: Okay, yeah, I get your point.

Glenn: Amy. Why don't you say what you don't like about me?
Amy: Um, no, there really isn't anything.
Glenn: Oh, come on. I'm not made of glass.
Amy: Uh, okay. [clears throat] I guess if I had to make a complaint, because you're forcing me to, I don't love the way you pronounce "measure."
Glenn: Mm-hmm. Okay. Good. It's just kind of hard to shake off here. Really took the wind out of me, but... Okay, we're back, okay. All right, moving on, um... No, I'm gonna need another minute.

Dina: Wait a minute. This sounds nothing like Kelly. It's more like [high-pitched] Hi, everybody! I'm Kelly! Nope. Wait. Hold on. Let's do this. Nice and accurate. [gets down on knees] How about it?
Glenn: Dina, it's not about doing impressions.
Dina: Hey, it's me, Kelly! Boy, it sure is windy out today. Whoa!
Kelly: That seems unnecessary.
Dina: Jonah, you told me you loved me. And then you dumped me so that you could have sex with that pregnant whore.
Amy: Hey!
Dina: These are Kelly's words. Not mine.

Cheyenne: [as Fran Drescher] Oh, my God. These customers are so handsome. How am I supposed to work checkout? I'm too busy checking them out.
Glenn: Okay. Thank you, Cheyenne. Now we know what it would sound like if Fran Drescher worked at Cloud 9. Ah. That was so good.
Cheyenne: [as Fran Drescher] Aww, thanks, doll.

Jonah: Hey, how's it going?
Kelly: Well, should I answer that as Jonah or Kelly? I don't do a really good Jonah. How is your Kelly?
Jonah: [as Kelly] Hey, everybody, I'm Kelly. [laughs] Um, you were right. I-I was a bad boyfriend. I'm sorry. But I hope that's not the reason you're leaving.
Kelly: It's- I don't know. It's just time for me to move on. Try something new. Like, um, like, what's it like to stock flatware at a different Cloud 9? I want to find out.
Jonah: I can't even imagine.
Kelly: It doesn't matter anyway. I can't get Glenn to sign the transfer. [as Glenn] Because we're a family, and I'm a man baby who won't let anyone leave! [normal voice] I can do impressions too.

Garrett: I agree. This just seems like I'd have to leave my house a lot earlier and get home a lot later.
Justine: I need my car here. It's where I go to cry at lunch.

Jonah: Okay, I'll go in first.
Amy: Wait, maybe I should go in first.
Jonah: It doesn't matter who goes in first. We just can't go in together, 'cause it's gonna look suspicious.
Amy: Well then, if it doesn't matter, I'll go in first.
Jonah: That's fine, go in first. I'm happy to sit here for ten minutes and listen to the radio.
Amy: Okay, no, you go in first.