Dina: All right, if you pass this course, The store will not be pressing criminal charges. If you fail, your crimes will be reported to the fuzz. Right, Mateo?
Mateo: I've got the local police station right here in my contacts.
Man: Isn't it just 911?
Mateo: Silence, scrode!

Garrett: [over PA] "Attention employees, please gather in the break room for our regularly-scheduled refresher on store rules." I'm emphasizing "regularly-scheduled" because it's underlined twice on this piece of paper Amy just handed me.

Amy: Okay, no phones on the floor, laptops are for customers. If there's time to lean, there's time to...
Marcus: Oh, I know, dream.
Amy: No, not dream.
Cheyenne: Lean.
Amy: I just said lean.
Glenn: Oh, come on, guys. You know she means clean, which most of us are already doing in our downtime anyway.
Amy: Yep, that's right.
Glenn: 'Cause we know if we ever stopped working our tails off, Amy will swoop in to smack us around.
Jonah: Well, not quite smack us around, but write us up.
Amy: Yeah, no, I don't hit my employees.
Maya: I figured that.

Amy: Next rule, always clock in on time.
Russell: What if on your way to work, you see a plane crash and need to stop to pull passengers from the wreckage?
Amy: Um, if on your way in, you see a plane crash, then you can be late.
Cheyenne: Oh, but what about a train crash?
Amy: Um, any of the crashes. All right, we're moving on.
Marcus: Well, what if it's a fender bender where someone could have been hurt?
Jonah: Okay, Marcus, I'm sure they're fine. We should probably keep going.
Marcus: But what if they're not? What if they have a baby in the back and it's, like, loose and it's rolling around like a volleyball?
Amy: All right, that's it. I'm writing you up for insubordination.
Marcus: I get written up for that, but Russell can smoke pot in the garden center?
Amy: What? Well, I didn't know that was happening, so now that I do, I'm gonna write him up.

Amy: Well, Maya reported the fight to HR. She said it wasn't a big deal, but she couldn't even look me in the eye when she said it, which I have a teenager daughter, I know what that means.
Jonah: It's not even your fault. It's not like you're the one who slammed Russell on the table. If anything, you broke the fight up by pouring oat milk on 'em. It was weird but effective.

Glenn: Oh, it'll be fine. You just need to find a way to show Maya that you mean business. It's too bad you can't just fire someone, though.
Amy: Yeah. But maybe I could.
Glenn: Wait, are you talking about me? Fine, Amy, you can't fire me. I quit.
Amy: Glenn, calm down. I'm gonna fire anyone. I'm just saying, maybe I can make it look like I'm firing someone.

Amy: Um, hey, Dave.
Bo: Oh, what up, Amy?
Amy: What up, Dave, is that I asked you hours ago to assemble the Turtle Wax endcap, and it's still not done.
Bo: Oh, actually, I was gonna tell you...
Amy: No, I don't wanna hear any of your excuses. You know what? This is your third strike this month. I made up my mind. I'm gonna have to let you go. I'm so sorry you have to witness this, Maya.
Maya: No, please, these are your employees.
Bo: Yeah, I was gonna say I did that endcap a while ago. I set it up in the breezeway, you know, more foot traffic and et ceteras.
Amy: Wow, um... uh... wow. I'm... I'm just stunned, because this is isn't what we agreed upon, Dave.
Bo: Yeah, well, I was thinking about something Cheyenne said, and I figured, like, if I did a really good job, then it wouldn't really make sense to fire me, because that would be, like, bad management. Know what I'm saying? So, uh, guess I still work here. Maybe I can pick up a few extra shifts.
Amy: No. No, no, no. I already said that you're fired. And... and... and what I say goes, and I'm a... I'm a woman of my word. So... so all of those things put together means you're fired.
Bo: Aw, man. Cheyenne was right. I'm a screwup. I'm just a dumb, useless butt.
Maya: No, Dave, no. No, no, no. No, nobody is getting fired today, all right?
Bo: Really?
Maya: Yes. Amy, why don't you and I go have lunch?

Amy: She's taking me out to lunch. She's gonna fire me, right?
Glenn: No. I mean, that is how they fired Marty, so he wouldn't have some violent outburst in the store. But maybe Maya's got some really great news for you, and she's worried about you having a positive outburst.
Jonah: Yeah, like, you know, "Oh, this news is so great, I wanna choke somebody out."
Amy: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm sure that's what it is.

Marcus: So?
Glenn: Yeah, I think they're gonna fire her.
Marcus: Wow. So I guess you'll be manager again.
Glenn: What? No. I would never take Amy's job.
Marcus: Why not? You did it for years. Who else is gonna do it?
Glenn: I mean, I guess I got no choice. And the store needs a manager.
Marcus: And we need one, like, now. This place is crazy. There was a fight earlier.

Maya: Ooh, wow, "local clams." Where do you think they're getting those from?
Amy: Uh... Uh, the river.
Maya: The river?
Amy: Okay, I can't do this anymore. Maya, I know that I have been messing up all day. But before you fire me, I think you should know that I am a really good manager and... and... and... and I command respect and I don't do drugs and I don't steal Splenda packets.
Maya: Amy, I asked you to lunch because I thought a break from the store might help you chill out, girl.
Amy: Really?
Maya: Yes. I am not here to fire anybody.
Amy: Okay, 'cause, um, today has been a disaster. I mean, I would fire me.
Maya: It has been... weird.
Amy: Yeah.
Maya: Sure, but you're nervous. I get it. When the DM would visit my store, I would sweat through my shirt.
Amy: Yeah, there's a storm brewing underneath here.
Maya: Yeah.
Amy: So then if I... if I wanted to get a glass of wine, is...
Maya: I mean, you are going back to the store after this, though, right?
Amy: Yeah, no, I just... I meant for later, for a friend... you're just joking. Of course. I knew that. I got it. Can I have some of the house red? That's not a waiter. It's just a man.