Mateo: Hello there. I'd like to buy these apples, please.
Dina: No problem. That'll be 50 cents.
Mateo: But apples usually cost 40 cents. I don't understand.
Dina: Cloud 9 had to raise the price due to all the people stealing them.
Mateo: But I never stole. Now my children shall go hungry tonight.
Dina: And scene.
Man: You think we can get a bathroom break? It's been two hours of this.
Dina: Oh, you need to use the restroom? Why, so you can steal a quart of our pink soap? You think I don't know how much that stuff goes for on the street? Absolutely not.

Sandra: Mmm. I like this one, but I don't think we can do Funfetti. Jerry's family is very conservative.
Carol: Wait, there's one more I want you to try. It's homemade.
Sandra: Oh, you... you made that?
Carol: Yeah, just for you. It's got a secret ingredient.
Sandra: Ooh. Oh.
Carol: Come on, open up.
Sandra: Okay. [Carole feeds Sandra] Mmm. So good.
Carol: And now we wait.
Sandra: For what?
Carol: For your wedding.
Sandra: Oh. [both chuckle]

Carol: This is perfect for the honeymoon.
Sandra: There's just so many holes.
Carol: Oh, Sandra, our bodies are vessels of beauty. Don't be ashamed. God, I can't wait to see Jerry's face when he sees this.
Sandra: Huh?
Carol: I said, I can't wait for you to see Jerry's face when he sees this.

Dina: [over PA] Attention, shoppers, please gather for a very special parade. That's right, it's the Cloud 9 Shoplifters Parade of Shame. Here, you read these. I'm gonna pass out the tomatoes.
Mateo: Tomatoes? Dina... those aren't for throwing, are they?
Dina: What? Oh, no. No, no, no. These are free samples. And if someone felt compelled to throw one, that would be both illegal and wrong, just like shoplifting.

Dina: I've got the bucket of wet socks. Where is everyone? On one of their precious bathroom breaks?
Mateo: I let them go.
Dina: You what?
Mateo: I just couldn't stand the fact that this company was extorting these people out of their hard-earned money. It wasn't right.
Dina: Huh. Wait. Did you take their money instead?
Mateo: Well, it had to go somewhere.
Dina: Uh-huh. Half to me for a new security camera, and I look the other way.
Mateo: A third. [they shake]
Dina: Your hand is like velvet.
Mateo: I sleep with gloves on.

Carol: Sandra, relax. This is gonna be a fun little road trip. I'm telling you, it's the fantasy wedding venue.
Sandra: Uh-huh. Yeah, it's just... I'm curious what other people think, so maybe Marcus could join us?
Carol: There's no time. We want to get there before sunset. God, you're gonna love it... Beautiful cliff-side views, and super remote. I mean no one for miles.
[Sandra jumps out of the moving car]
Carol: Sandra! Sandra! Sandra what happened? Did you fall out? Where are you going? Sandra!

Amy: Tell me again that Maya didn't see the union cards.
Jonah: She's the district manager. If she had seen them, she would have said something. Besides, you know, even if she did, it's too late now. The union train has left the station, baby!
Amy: A, that's just too much for 8:00 a.m., and B, it's not too late for her to fire me.
Jonah: Nobody's getting fired. Get out of your head. You just have to co... [opens Amy's officer door]
Amy: Maya! Hey, Maya's here.
Jonah: Yeah.

Glenn: Don't worry. You are a great manager, and Maya's gonna see that, you know, as long as we have one of our good days in the store, which we've been having a few of lately.
Amy: Thank you, Glenn. I know you thought that was helpful.

Maya: Oh, it looks like you swapped out those scanners that were causing hand cancer.
Amy: Yes.
Maya: Uh, no disciplinary write-ups in the last quarter.
Amy: Yeah. No... no... no need. Good.
Cheyenne: [on the phone] I don't know where your nice flip-flops are, Bo. Just wear anything.
Amy: Excuse me just one second.
Maya: Uh-huh.
Amy: Cheyenne, you know we're not supposed to be on personal phone calls on the floor.
Cheyenne: Just one second. You can't just blow it off. You have to get here. Take a bath with the dogs later. My husband's being such a b-munch right now.
Amy: Okay, well, just because he's being a b-munch, doesn't mean that's a good enough reason to not be working.
Cheyenne: Totally. Bye, Bo.
Amy: Honestly, this never happens.
Maya: Well, it's hard to police phone stuff.
Amy: Well, not for me, it isn't. Attention employees. Uh, listen up. Just a reminder that this couch here is not a mobile hot spot. No cell phones, per usual. Don't know why I have to say it again.
Russell: Can whoever is talking keep it down? We're trying to watch news anchor fails and the sound quality's full "garbagio."
Amy: She did put her phone away.

Dina: Listen up, scrodes. My name is Dina Fox, and my goal here today is to cure you lowlife scum of your criminal tendencies and transform you into upstanding citizens. If that's even possible.