Glenn: You have to be ready for anything because the questions are gonna be coming fast and furious. Like, "How can you deliver presents to billions of children in one night?" Santa One.
Santa #1: Elves.
Glenn: Elves? No. Elves make the presents. By Christmas, their job's done.

Amy: God, I'm so pissed, Glenn. I mean, I've been here so long and you can't even make an exception for me?
Glenn: I can't. I'm... I'm sorry.
Jonah: Come on, Glenn!
Amy: No exceptions.
Adam: Oh, it's okay.
Amy: It's just the way they do things here.
Glenn: No, no, you're right. I should make an exception.
Amy: Yeah, but you're all full up and that...
Glenn: Welcome aboard.
Adam: Thank you.
Glenn: Glad to have you. Amy, you owe me one.
Adam: Awesome! This'll be fun!
Jonah: Ultra cool!
Amy: I'm so excited about this.

Cheyenne: Excuse me. All right, thank you. I'm just trying to get away from that guy's boner.

Glenn: Okay, everyone. Good morning! Let's settle down. Um, 'tis the season. And I'd like to give a permanent welcome to all our new temporary workers in the light blue vests. Now, I haven't put all the faces to the names yet, but I do know that you are Reggie and... and we now have a Black Todd. Nope, you'll just be Todd. Uh, you'll be White Todd? Thank you. And, uh, oh, and this sweetheart here is Opal, who, at 90 years old, I think is the oldest employee we've ever had. [Myrtle shoots her an evil look]

Glenn: All right, uh, moving on. Tornado safety...
Garrett: Whoa, whoa, whoa, not moving on. I want to know why you just called her Bean.
Amy: No, it's nothing.
Cheyenne: Is it because you like to eat beans?
Mateo: Is it because you fart a lot? Like this gentleman sitting next to me?

Glenn: This is the first year that we're having an in-store Santa, so I am taking the selection process very seriously.
Man: Well, I've had a lot of experience.
Glenn: Good.
Man: I've Claused a number of department stores.
Glenn: Okay.
Man: And I-I was trained by Wayne Gunderson.
Glenn: Way...
Man: Uh, he's a Santa Claus at the Chicago Macy's.
Glenn: Oh, wow!
Man: He's a legend.
Glenn: You sound really qualified.
Man: Well... [laughs]
Glenn: Is that it? Is that the laugh?
Man: That's it, yeah. [both laughs]
Glenn: Oh, my God. Oh, wow.
Man: Well, so I have the job?
Glenn: Well, not yet, my fat red friend.

Garrett: [over PA] Bean to customer service. Bean, you are wanted in customer service... preferably with your clothes on.

Jonah: Ignore me. Just doing some research. Okay, smiling. You're not going anywhere. Excuse me, sir? Uh, just out of curiosity, how long were you at your previous job?
Man: Uh, 25 years.
Jonah: Oh.
Man: You know, it's an interesting story, actually. My father started out as a baker, so I...
Jonah: It is interesting. [walks away]

Amy: Hey, Glenn. Excuse me. Um, do you have a sec to talk?
Glenn: Oh, yeah, sure. Now's a good time.
Amy: Um, here?
Cody: You're hurting my leg.
Glenn: Okay, look. You're gonna have to get used to that. We get a lot of little porkers up here.

Amy: Well, I was just wondering if there was any way that we could switch around Adam's schedule just so that we're not on the same shifts. You know, just 'cause I feel like it...
Glenn: Okay. Say no more. I totally get it, okay? I-I was actually surprised you wanted him to work here, seeing how things are with your marriage.
Amy: How things are with my marriage?
Glenn: How things are with your...
Amy: What does that mean?
Glenn: Not that things are bad. You know, just that you've been married a long time, so maybe the spark is gone, or...
Amy: What?
Glenn: No, no, I mean maybe you hit a rough patch. Okay, no, no, Glenn. That's worse. Okay, um, you know what? Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm talking about, you know. But I do know I got to get back to sitting.
Amy: Um... okay. Well, thank you.
Glenn: Yeah. [to Cody] Well, you were absolutely no help there.