Amy: So apparently, Emma loves her dad now.
Jonah: That's... terrible?
Amy: No, I mean, obviously, I want her to love her dad, but she's been pushing me away, and all of a sudden, they're like besties.
Jonah: I thought Latinos don't care if their kids like them.
Amy: I really think you're painting with too broad a cultural brush here.
Jonah: No, that was...
Amy: First, it's that he's more fun, then she's gonna want to live with him, and before you know it, it's, "Sorry, Mom, can't make it to your birthday party. I'm too busy listening to Churchill speeches with Dad."
Jonah: Oh, that would be a crazy coincidence.
Amy: I don't know. Maybe I... maybe I should be a little less strict with her, at least until I'm number one again.
Jonah: [scoffs] You're an intense mom. I do not want to be around when Emma starts dating.
Amy: Why would you even mention that?!

Cheyenne: Well, you know, 'cause of what happened. With you and Dina. How she dumped you.
Garrett: What?
Glenn: You are going to find someone so great.
Garrett: I don't know what you guys heard, but I did not get dumped. It was mutual.
Justine: No. It's never mutual. It's never mutual.
Cheyenne: Mm-mm.
Glenn: Mm-mm.

Mateo: [giggles nervously] It's happening!
Cheyenne: Uh-huh.
Mateo: Uh, okay. What is that supposed to mean?
Cheyenne: Just that... you know, sometimes people flirt with people to get stuff. Like, there's this cashier at the Steak 'n Shake who always gives me free fries when I wear shorts.

Kelly: Hey. Hi. I'm sorry. Do you know what a softline is?
Garrett: I don't have time for this.
Kelly: [to customer] Excuse me. Do you know what a softline is?
Woman: I don't live here. I'm from Tampa.

Amy: So now Justine might have to get her jaw wired shut. You see, this is what happens when you try to be friends with your kid. She could be zoning, she could be cleaning, but no. She's just standing there.
Jonah: Do you think any of this might be stemming from the fact that you feel like you're losing control of...
Amy: See, this is how it starts. First, she's texting at work. And then she's not doing her homework. And then she's hanging out with the bad kids. And before you know it, she's pregnant and addicted to pills and dancing for strangers.
Jonah: Oh, those were... those are really bad kids. You want me to, uh... want me to go yell at her?
Amy: Yes. Actually, yeah. That would be great.
Jonah: Oh, no, no, no, no. I was just kidding. I never yell. Even when I'm mad, I just push it down really deep, and then sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, panicked and sweaty for no reason.

Jonah: Oh, uh, no, the tuna goes one aisle over. It's, uh... it's not a bean product.
Emma: It's a can.
Jonah: Sure, yeah, yeah, it's a can, yeah, but, um, you know, we don't really organize things here by shape. So it's not like the cans go over here and the boxes go over there.
Emma: Whatever.
Jonah: N-no, not... no. No! Not whatever, okay, missy, and you know what? You got to put that phone away too.
Emma: You're not my boss.
Jonah: Yeah, I'm... [grabs Emma's phone] Well, I'm the grown-up.
Emma: Hey!
Jonah: You're not getting paid to gossip with your little girlfriends, okay? So get back to work, or your ass is grass, and I'm... I'm the... lawn mower.

Garrett: Hey, can I talk to you for a second? It's kinda personal.
Jonah: Yeah, sure, sure.
Garrett: Okay, well, first of all, you need to calm down.
Jonah: I'm calm. Calm. Just, you know, my roomie's coming to me for a little heart-to-heart. It's, uh... [chuckles] it's a good day. It's a really... it's a really good day.

Garrett: Basically, Dina and I decided together to break up. And now she's going around, she's telling everybody that she dumped me...
Jonah: Oh.
Garrett: Which is not true.
Jonah: Oh.
Garrett: Okay. It was mutual. Can you stop active listening?
Jonah: Oh, yes, sorry, continue.
Garrett: And I feel like I want to let everyone know, but Dina's in a rough place, and I don't want it to look like I'm kicking her when she's down.
Jonah: Got it, okay, so... unh. Let's unpack this. Uh, it sounds to me like you're looking for a way to let everybody know what happened with you and Dina without it reflecting poorly on you.
Garrett: That's exactly what I just said.
Jonah: Okay. That's a toughie. That is a tough, tough toughie.
Garrett: Okay, this isn't gonna work.
Jonah: Wait, no, no, no, no! I can do better. Let me... Give me a do-over. Come back. I'll pretend like this didn't happen.

Glenn: Oh, hey, is this where Justine fell?
Amy: Yeah.
Glenn: I gotta write it up for her workman's comp claim. She says the floor was slippery, but you know Justine. Glug, glug, glug!

Cheyenne: When he smiles at you, it feels like the sun is coming up.
Mateo: You know, I'm not even mad. I got to flirt with a cute guy. That's the first time that's happened since Jeff.
Cheyenne: Well, Scott is way cuter than Jeff.
Mateo: Bo's a troll! I'm sorry. [weakly] Love you.