Amy: So to review, you released Dina's birds into the wild, allowed her to believe it was her fault, persuaded her to go back to her apartment, and proceeded to have sex with her in exchange for $17?
Garrett: Twice. We did it twice.
Jonah: What is wrong with you?
Garrett: I just wanted some Takis, you know? Rolled up tortilla chips, bit of flavor in the morning, and then everything just escalated.
Jonah: You know, as your friend, I'd ask you to consider your part in this, which is all of it. This is all your fault.

Justine: Sandra, are you sure you don't wanna come to the party? It's going to be, like, dong central.
Sandra: That sounds really fun, but no thank you.
Carol: Take the hint, Justine. She obviously has big plans tonight with Antonio Lasagna.
Justine: Well, if you wanna crush some dong, call me.
Carol: They better have food at this party.
Justine: Actually, they told me I had to bring pizzas.

Glenn: [recording] Rose, I am so sorry I couldn't be there for your wedding day, but I am so happy for you and your husband or or wife or sex android. I- I don't know what the future is like. Just don't make the same mistakes I made, you know? Spending all your time at work and missing out on these precious moments. I mean, if I could go back in time and do it all over again, I... Huh. I think I'm done being manager.

Dina: You guys heading out?
Amy: Yeah, going to dinner.
Dina: Oh, that sounds fun. I'd go with you but, uh, I've got to deal with the birds and their medicine and... [chuckles] Wow, I guess I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. You know what? I can go with you.
Amy: Oh, yeah, well-
Jonah: Oh, wow, that's perfect.
Dina: So where we headed?
Jonah: Uh, it's this place off of 44 called Barrel and Sage. Kind of a, um, small plates tapas thing.
Dina: Not gonna work for me. Not enough vegan options. I do know of a grocery store that has tables, that way we can all do our own thing. [gasps] Or, oh, have you guys ever been to Super Tofu? It's not great, but you do not need reservations. There's never anyone there. I mean, it smells bad, but you get used to it as the meal progresses.

Marcus: What?
Mateo: That is just so amazing. Um, is your mother a model?
Marcus: Uh, kind of. She used to wear the Fredbird costume for the Cardinals.
Mateo: [chuckles] I can see that.

Man: Do you have any Valentine's Day cards for my wife that are cheaper than this?
Jonah: Well, that one's a dollar, so, no.
Man: Forget it. I'll just text her.
Amy: Love is in the air.

Man: How much would it be for just one Post-It? I don't need the whole pack.
Amy: It's not how it works.

Dina: Sebastian! Where are you? [mimicking bird squawking] Cockatrice! I'm here, baby! Birdie! [mimicks bird squawking]

Dina: Hey, can you two stop scissoring each other for one second and help me call my birds?
Amy: Yes, sure. [all mimic bird noises]

Garrett: I feel guilty about the birds.
Jonah: Okay.
Garrett: I just- I just kind of need to talk to a friend.
Jonah: Oh, oh, well, I'm a friend, so talk away.
Garrett: It's just this is, like, the worst thing I've ever done, and I have no idea what Dina's going to do if she finds out that it was me.
Jonah: Oh, listen, you you do not have to worry about that, okay? Because I am not gonna tell her. This is a secret that stays amongst friends.
Garrett: No, I- I- I know- I can trust you. I mean, it's not like you're going to run off and tell Amy or anything like that.
Jonah: Oh, uh, Amy... Amy too. I mean, uh, of- of course Amy too. That's- Nobody needs to know.
Garrett: You haven't told her, right?
Jonah: [mumbling] Mm-mm.