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Blizzard

‘Blizzard’

Season 4, Episode 12 -  Aired March 21, 2019

The Cloud 9 employees and customers get trapped in the store during a blizzard.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. It's really comin' down out there. Now, I'm not a licensed meteorologist, but I believe the technical term is snowy AF. For anyone stocking up, we are limiting all water purchases to one case per person, and that does include coconut water, watermelon water, cucumber water, aloe water, probiotic water, and electric water, which is something I just made up but you probably got all excited about. And if anybody lost a blue hair thingie, please come pick it up at customer service.
Cheyenne: [holding "Line Up Here" sign"] Oh, that's mine! [runs] [customers follow her]

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Quote from Dina

Dina: You know that we're liable for any assaults that take place tonight, right?
Glenn: I-
Dina: [to Cheyenne] Now, you need to set up in the very center of the floor, okay? We need to keep the hotties in the middle, make them harder to get to. That's how wolves protect their hottest wolves.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Dina: Listen, I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you make it through the night alive, okay?
Cheyenne: Oh, all right, thanks, Dina.
Dina: You know, we should really tie bells to some of the creeps so we can hear them coming.

Quote from Marcus

Marcus: I had just deuced in the shower.
Isaac: Ugh.
Cheyenne: Ugh.
Amy: Why?
Marcus: Okay, right, when you guys are in the shower and you have to go, you just hold it.
Amy: Yes. Yeah. That's what you do when it's a number two.
Marcus: Sure, so you don't poop in the shower every morning and stamp it down the drain with your feet? [Justine gags]
Isaac: Oh, my God.
Marcus: Okay, whatever. Screw you, snowflakes. Bunch of princesses.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: [over PA] Attention, all remaining customers. The governor has declared a state of emergency. Customers are advised to get home before conditions worsen, which begs the question, what about employees who also drive cars and also have families and/or video games to get home to?
Glenn: [over PA] Yeah, I- I checked on that, and corporate would like us to stay until closing so...
Amy: [scoffs] [over PA] Glenn, this is crazy. It's really bad out there.
Glenn: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's starting to lighten up a bit.
Jonah: [over PA] No, actually, it's getting worse. Uh, they're calling it the snow-poca-blizz. Oh, wait, nope, that's just some guy on Twitter trying to get it going.
Glenn: Okay, well, you know, I'll try 'em again. [phone beeping over P.A.]
Jonah: Oh, no, no, no, Glenn, no, that's you're still using the intercom phone. [beeping and feedback over PA.]
Glenn: Ow!
Amy: Put it down.
Glenn: Oh, phooey to corporate. Let's just get outta here.
Garrett: You heard the man, go, go!
Man: [over PA] Okay, before you go, can you unlock the razor case? I don't know why you guys lock up the razor blades.
Dina: [over PA] They're actually one of the most shoplifted items: high-ticket and easy to pocket. People also steal name-brand detergent, condoms, baby formula. You wouldn't think it, but they sell it and buy heroin. Pretty grim. Anyway, happy to help.

Quote from Mateo

Glenn: Holy moly!
Jonah: It is the snow-poca-blizz!
Mateo: It is colder than the critical reception of Drake's last album!
Cheyenne: That's what you said when we came out here last night!
Mateo: Shut up. None of them heard it!

Quote from Dina

Dina: Okay, we have no idea how long we're gonna be stuck here, so we need to ration our food. The less we eat up front, the longer we can go before we start eating each other later.
Woman: Um, I have a child here.
Dina: That is an amazing offer, but why don't we just try and get out of here alive before we start eating the children, huh?

Quote from Dina

Dina: I knew this blizzard was coming a week ago 'cause my macaw started having diarrhea.
Amy: Don't all birds diarrhea all the time?
Dina: Not like this.

Quote from Mateo

Mateo: It is colder than the critical reception of Justin Timberlake's last album!
Jonah: We heard you the first time!

Quote from Glenn

Cheyenne: Okay, so if I had to eat someone here, it would be Glenn 'cause he eats a lot of sugar, so he'd be the sweetest.
Glenn: Aw, thank you. My blood sugar is really high. I'm prediabetic.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Personally, I wouldn't eat anyone over the age of 35. I know there's no expiration date on people, but that's when they start to turn.

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