Garrett: $8 for a bar of soap just 'cause it's shaped weird and wrapped in twine?
Jonah: Well, it's artisanal. It's organic.
Garrett: [sniffs] [scoffs] Ugh. I don't need my soap to be organic. We have science now. Science has created chemicals that keep us clean.

Mateo: Wow. Can't believe you came on your day off to sell cheese you made out of breast milk.
Marcus: Yeah, well, it's been a lot of trial and error. You know, if you don't get the consistency just right, you get boob yogurt, and that's just gross. And then there's the scavenging. Oh, and then my lizard ate a bunch of my samples.
Mateo: Wait, wait, wait. Let's go back to scavenging.
Marcus: Well, I mainly work with found milk.
Mateo: Found milk?
Marcus: Mm-hmm. You know, a mom leaves a bottle on a table at a food court and, you figure she's okay with people taking a little off the top.
Mateo: [chuckles] [gags]

Cheyenne: Wow, I bet dating has changed so much since your time. How did you guys even send each other naked photos of yourselves?
Amy: Uh, just in the mail.
Cheyenne: Oh, my God. So much effort.
Dina: I sent a nude fax once.
Amy: Full face?
Dina: Full face. I mean, an artist signs her work.

Dina: I get it. This is the first time you've dated a Latino guy, and you're out of your element.
Amy: I am not out of my element. I... I am the element. I'm... the element is in me.
Dina: Okay, quick tip. Just call him "papi" at the end of every sentence. You'll drive him wild.
Amy: Okay, no, that's not a thing.
Mateo: It works.
Dina: It really does. I've dated a lot of Latin men. A lot of them.

Glenn: Come on, you guys should know me by now. I never pressure you. So this is not my fault.
Justine: I felt pressured to buy cookies from your foster kids. And then someone in Tucson bought a Vespa with my credit card, and the bank said I had to prove that I wasn't in Tucson. How would I even do that?
Glenn: You take a picture of yourself with a newspaper not from Tucson.
Kelly: You made me take care of the tropical fish that you raised even though I can't afford the tank maintenance. I had to take out a loan.
Sandra: My sister was in labor, and you "needed" me to change your screensaver to flying toasters. She gave birth in her tub.
Glenn: Okay, okay. Okay, I... I am sorry, then. I'll never pressure you again.
Justine: Okay.
Sandra: Okay.
Justine: And it's like, why would I even want a Vespa? My vertigo was going crazy at the time. I had to sit down in the shower.

Justine: The only Spanish words I know are más tequila. Know what I mean? Ay, ay, ay!
Sandra: Oh, God.

Garrett: Handcrafted locally sourced beer. What does that even mean?
Jonah: Well, what makes a microbrew special is...
Garrett: Know what? That actually looks kind of interesting. I think I'm gonna check it out.
Jonah: Oh, because of the, uh, the cute girl?
Garrett: No, 'cause it's ardisenal.
Jonah: Did you just say "ardisenal"?
Garrett: Whatever, man. Leave me alone.

Amy: I totally kissed a Black guy once.
Cheyenne: Who?
Amy: You don't know him. It was from high school.
Dina: What was his name?
Amy: Peter.
Dina: Peter the Black guy? Yeah, okay, that doesn't sound right, but whatever.

Marcus: Hey, hey, hey, where you going? Pop it in.
Jonah: Oh, you... you wanted me to, uh, eat it right now?
Marcus: I want to see the look in your eyes when that cheese hits your tongue.
Jonah: Yes, I will... I will do this. I will put this in there.
Marcus: That's how it works.
Jonah: [eats] Mmm!
Marcus: Really?
Jonah: Mm-hmm.
Marcus: That is such a relief.
Jonah: Mm-hmm.
Marcus: I haven't tried it yet. To be honest, it kind of grosses me out.

Glenn: Today is local vendors day. This is Cloud 9's way of supporting the local small business owners we're... constantly putting out of business. And this year, we have a very special vendor. Just look at these beautiful needlepoints. This is certainly an exciting product.
Dina: Glenn, we all know that's your wife.
Glenn: No, no, it isn't. She is just a talented craftswoman who is gracing us with her presence.
Jerusha: Thank you, kind sir. I appreciate the opportunity with to sell my crafts in your lovely store.
Glenn: Well, the pleasure is all ours. It's just so exciting to have such a beautiful stranger at our vendor fair.
Jonah: What's happening?
Amy: I think it's foreplay.