[Kramer enters Jackie Chiles' office]
Jackie Chiles: Oh, no.
Kramer: Jackie we gotta talk.
Jackie Chiles: No way, Kramer. You've brought nothing but a mountain of misfortune and humiliation. Now get out.
Kramer: But Jackie--
Jackie Chiles: I said out.
Kramer: Jackie, I think I gotta case against the tobacco companies.
Jackie Chiles: The who?
Kramer: The tobacco companies.
Jackie Chiles: I've been wanting a piece of them for years.

Jerry: [on the phone] Cancelled? But I was supposed to be on tomorrow night.
David Letterman: Yeah, but then, you know, some people were telling me about that little flap out there at the junior high school assembly. And before that, you were bumped by a lizard?
Jerry: Actually, it was a monitor lizard.
David Letterman: Those things, deadly dangerous. A long time ago my uncle and a date are driving, like, through Mexico. They see one on the road, drags him out of the road, and chews his face off. Listen, we'll call you if anything opens up. Okay, Jimmy?
Jerry: Jerry.
David Letterman: Right. Jerry.

Louise: George, I can't have sex.
George: With me or in general?
Louise: I went to the doctor today. I have mono.
George: Nucleosis.
Louise: Oh, I hope it's not a problem for you.
George: No, no. [scoffs] So how long is this not gonna be a problem for me?

Jerry: [answers the phone] Hello?
Katie: Jerry.
Jerry: Oh, hi, Katie.
Katie: Listen, something just came up for Tuesday at the Dayton Civic Center. That's Ohio, Jerry.
Jerry: I've heard of Ohio, Katie. But Tuesday's no good. I'm doing Career Day at my old junior high.
Katie: Okay, Jerry. That's fine. You are the boss. Katie works for Jerry.
Jerry: Yes, all right, Katie.
Katie: Sorry for the late notice.
Jerry: Yes, bye.
Katie: Okay, you're the- [Jerry hangs up]

George: They asked you to do Career Day?
Jerry: Yeah, it's no big deal.
George: Oh, with all due respect, I went there too, and I work for a team that just won the World Series.
Jerry: And you were integral.

Elaine: So do most doctors like ER, or do you guys just think it's fake?
Ben: I couldn't tell you. You know, I'm not really a doctor.
Elaine: Oh, then I'm not really attracted to you.
Ben: Well, I'm serious, Elaine. I went to medical school, but I still have to pass my licensing exam.
Elaine: When do you take this exam?
Ben: I've taken it. Three times. I almost passed the last one.
Elaine: Well, you're basically a doctor. Right? I mean, people do call you doctor.
Ben: Well, um...
Elaine: Well, can I introduce you as doctor?
Ben: Yeah.
Elaine: All right, that's all I wanted to know.

George: It was fantastic, Jerry. We wound up talking all night.
Jerry: So you're enjoying the not enjoying?
George: You know, just by conversing, you can really learn a lot about a person.
Jerry: I'm finding that out.

Elaine: So when they're handing you those cadavers, do you get to choose whether it's a man or a woman?
Ben: I don't know. Dead bodies really gross me out.

Ben: What's wrong?
Elaine: It's Sue Ellen Mischke, this old braless friend I hate.
Sue Ellen: Elaine? Hi.
Elaine: Oh hi, Sue Ellen.
Sue Ellen: Oh, Rick, this is an old, old, friend of mine, Elaine Benes. Rick is a periodontist. He does Giuliani's gums.
Elaine: Well, this is my boyfriend, Dr. Ben Galvant.
Ben: Well, I'm an intern.
Elaine: Hey, stop kidding me. He's a doctor. He's a very good doctor.
Woman: Carlito's just passed out. Can anyone help?
Elaine: Well, there's a doctor right here.
Ben: No there's not.
Elaine: Can't you at least tell him what to do?
Ben: Like what?
Sue Ellen: Shouldn't he elevate his legs?
Ben: Right. Elevate your legs!

Elaine: I hope Carlito feels better. Ben really wishes he could've helped.
Larry: I thought he was a doctor.
Elaine: Oh, he is. Kind of. I mean, I call him doctor.