Drew: Why was Michael in my room?
Denise: His name isn't Michael.
Drew: Well, he has a weird Serbian name that I can't say, so I'm calling him Michael. He loves it.
Michael: I don't. My name is Ilyavich.
Drew: Mike, just go.

Drew: Young Michael informed me that you told everyone to come to me with their personal problems.
Denise: Yeah, I did. I checked on you. You've already been to med school once already when you were 21. And you didn't just flame out, you, like, you went nuclear. Seriously, how was prison?
Drew: It was cold. You couldn't just let me be. Well, I'm gonna take the high road and not mention your mannish voice and all the pictures you have in here of your friends. Tell me, which one's your B.F.F.?
Denise: You are a giant douche.
Drew: I know. Want to take a shower together?
Denise: Fine.
Drew: I know you think you're so hot, but I'm not a fan.
Denise: Hey, I'm not happy about this either, okay?

J.D.: [v.o.] Lights, camera, teach.
J.D.: Welcome to internal medicine, gang. My name is Dr. John Dorian.
Cole: Hey, should we be taking notes?
J.D.: That's a good question, fellow. What I'll tell you is I don't like to really stop. That ruins my flow. So what I'm gonna do is give a subtle nod like so, as a signal, okay? Now back to my name. I prefer "Dr. D.," or in a pinch, "Dr.
Dizzle." But if you see me out in the quad-
Denise: there is no quad.
J.D.: I'm not a big fan of the T.A.s doing a lot of speaking, Denise. Okay? Oh, wait. Wait. That was an accidental nod, you guys. No note taking. No note taking, okay? Now, if you see me out in the quad, I want you to think of me as more than your teacher. I'm also your friend, all right? [nods] Okay, we're definitely gonna need a new signal For the note-taking thing.

Dr. Cox: This guy's trying to die on me again. Who wants to play patient roulette?
Lucy: [v.o.] Please not me. Please not me.
[fantasy: a disheveled Lucy runs through the hospital:]
Dr. Cox: [as a sheriff] There ain't no use runnin', little girl! First one to bring me a med student gets a juicy bone.
He gets a juicy bone. You gotta yell!
[reality:]
Dr. Cox: 91, here's how we play. I'm not gonna do anything to help this dying man until you answer these three very simple questions. What is it called when a blood clot occludes a branch of the pulmonary artery? What is it called when tuberculosis affects the spine? And what was the name of the African NBA center who did this whenever he blocked a shot? Oh, I'd hurry. His heart's slowing down. And he's dead. Not because of you. I'm not insane. He was dead when we walked over here. But just a stunningly horrible job nonetheless.

J.D.: All right. We finally found a signal that works, jazz hands. Love it. Guys, tomorrow you'll be divided into groups, and you'll be given your cadavers. So great first day, everybody. Who wants to keep this party going? If so, meet me back here at 6:00. I will have beers, on me. Everyone take a mix CD on their way out. For those of you who are fans of a young miss Miley Cyrus, I recommend the green ones. She's heavily featured.

Lucy: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Professor.
Lucy: Professor Cox?
Dr. Cox: Actually it's both.
Lucy: Dr. Professor Cox?
Dr. Cox: Yes?
Lucy: Sometimes I feel like you're not even trying to teach me.
Dr. Cox: I'm not. I generally don't waste time with people who aren't gonna make it.
Lucy: Oh. Thanks.
Lucy: [v.o.] Thanks?

Drew: Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?
Dr. Cox: What do you want?
Drew: Well, um, I get the whole trial-by-fire thing. And you're wonderful at it, really.
Dr. Cox: Don't ever touch me.
Drew: Sorry. Um, but you seem to go out of your way to pick on the weakest kids. Maybe you could, I don't know, not do that.
Dr. Cox: Thank you for the feedback. It's invaluable.
Drew: You don't mean that, do you?
Dr. Cox: I don't. And since you don't see yourself as one of the weak ones, maybe a good solution would be for me to unload my years of rage and frustration and pain onto your head and your head alone.
Drew: Are- Aare we locked down to that, or can we keep spit balling here?
Dr. Cox: Very locked in.
Drew: Looking forward to it. Whore! [to passing nurse] Not you. Just something I say whenever I'm pissed. Or when I'm with a whore.

Turk: Whoa!
J.D.: None of them showed up. I got us all these glow-in-the-dark necklaces so we wouldn't lose each other when we were out on the town.
Turk: It's their first day of med school. Come on. You remember how we were.
[flashback to J.D. and Turk on a tandem bicycle riding past a bunch of partying students:]
J.D.: Nerds!
Turk: Losers! [bicycle bell tinkles]
J.D.: I feel so alive.
[present:]
Turk: Everybody at that party had sex.

J.D.: [v.o.] We all go through life worrying about what other people think of us.
Turk: Hey, aren't those your students in there with Kelso?
J.D.: Man, I must be the worst teacher ever.
J.D.: [v.o.] The truth is the harshest words are the ones we say about ourselves.
Ben: Are you okay, sweetie?
Lucy: No, Ben. I don't belong here.

Lucy: [v.o.] I was so depressed yesterday to cheer myself up, I made what I think is a great decision. Sometimes one perfect night can change your whole outlook on life.
[Cole is asleep next to Lucy. As she gets out of bed naked and bends over, Cole perks up and snaps a picture with his camera phone]
Lucy: [v.o.] Yep. I've got a good feeling about this guy.