Turk: All right, everyone, pay attention, because my spleen is right here. Whoops! This feels more like my private-time area.
Cole: Wouldn't it be easier if you could see what you were doing?
Turk: This is the way I'm doing it, Cole! Or maybe you're just uncomfortable because it's a black man's head on a fake white man's body. That's right, people. It just got real up in here. In my class, you will each be graded by the color of your skin. If you're white, raise your hands. F's.

J.D.: Dr. Kelso, I heard about Enid's passing. I'm so sorry.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you bottom out, and then you persevere. I feel like I can say the worst is over.
J.D.: How long ago did she pass?
Dr. Kelso: About two days.

Dr. Cox: Medicine is... Well, it's a dead career. Thanks to insurance companies and malpractice lawyers, you have absolutely no hope of finding a rewarding or satisfying profession in this once noble field. The only exception to this very true rule is the following... If you are lucky enough to go to a great medical school, then, my children, you got a real shot. Unfortunately, you're all screwed. Because to call this particular school a "crap house" would be an honest-to-god compliment. Plus, I'm the only teacher here worth a damn, and I already hate each and every one of you. Would you like to know why? Well, it turns out you're not actually medical students at all. You are all murderers and assassins that have been sent here to try to kill my patients. Here's the bottom line: If you do get a good clean kill on a patient, go ahead and take a pinkie or an ear as a trophy. I get that, I do. But please also know this, I am ready for you, have been for a while. So watch your ass. Good day.