Dr. Cox: This, uh is a classmate of mine from medical school. He's located up in your area now. I think he'd really be able to help you.
J.D.: [v.o.] But sometimes you just can't quite find words to show that appreciation.
Ron: You know, uh I just wanna say that, uh, I'm gonna handle this kid situation so much better than you ever could.
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I would kick your ass in situation-handling. I'm a doctor, for God sakes. And for the record, the Vegas odds-makers are makin' Coxy a heavy favorite.
Ron: Well, then, I would just bet on me and make a bundle.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I probably would, too.

J.D.: [v.o.] I wasn't the only one having relationship trouble. Lately, Turk and Carla had lost their sizzle. And as a couple, when you reach a roadblock, you can do one of two things. Look inward and try and solve your problems together or blame someone else. You have to move out.
J.D.: What? Is this about the bra catapult thing? Because if it's that big a deal, I can throw my own water balloons. I don't need those C-cups.

Carla: J.D., we're newlyweds. That's hard enough and when you're around... Tell him, Turk.
Turk: You're all up in our space!
J.D.: What? When have I ever been all up in your space?
[flashback to Turk and Carla sharing a romantic bath together; J.D. is on the toilet:]
Carla: This is nice.
J.D.: Ooh, sorry about the twosie, guys. [flushes]
[present:]
J.D.: Huh. And here I thought that was a lovely evening.

Dr. Cox: Guys, guys, guys. You've all been working here for 2 years. Now why do I have to keep teaching you the same stuff? I want to see you apply light pressure in small circles.
Lonnie: Can we take a break? The sun is scorching, and I'm very fair-skinned.
Dr. Cox: You've only been out here for 8 minutes.
Lonnie: [removes sunglasses] Whatever.
Jordan: Ah, the intern car wash. Are you saving up so you can finally get those pec implants replaced?

Dr. Cox: Ron is coming to town today. Speaking of which, I need to see you put on something a bit nicer.
Jordan: You know, this whole competition thing that you have happening with your high school buddy, it is very, very boring. You know, like you were the homecoming king, he was the prom king. You went to medical school, he went to business school. You got divorced, he got divorced.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, but he never has to see his wife anymore, so technically he's got me beat on that one.

Dr. Cox: Look, I am not going to let this weekend become about who's a bigger man. Ron's bringing his kid - I can't wait to meet the child. And when he pulls in here in his crappy rent-a-car and he gets one look at my hand-polished Porsche, well, naturally, I'll have the lead.
Jordan: Very exciting.
[A chopper flies low above the hospital car park. Ron climbs down a rope and runs over to Dr. Cox]
Ron: Whoo-hoo! Hey. Hey, guys. I know the chopper seems like a bit much, but there was crazy traffic, so I'm having my assistant drive my rental car over from the airport. [horn honks] Well, it hardly seems worth it now, but what the hell? So, Per., what are you driving these days?
[The interns stand by Dr. Cox's car which is once again covered in dirt]
Ron: Well, that ol' girl needs a wash.
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Ron.

J.D.: [v.o.] All right, Carla calls the shots. Appeal to her rational side.
J.D.: Carla, I totally understand you guys need your space, but with work and my financial situation, finding a new place is gonna be minimum, 2 to 4 years.
Carla: Come on, Bambi. Aren't there any other married couples that want to live in a small apartment with a 29-year-old man?
J.D.: [v.o.] She called me a man.

J.D.: [v.o.] Okay, time to play the best friend card.
J.D.: Turk, I've always had your back and you always had mine. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
Turk: It was my idea.
J.D.: I banged your first girlfriend.
Turk: Chantal?

Jordan: Look. Why don't you bring Nathan over to our place tonight? The kids can play, and we can forget all about this competition crap.
Ron: I'd like that.
Dr. Cox: So would I. [after Ron walks away] Jack is going to kick Nathan's ass at playing.

Carla: Whoo! How great is it not having J.D. around, huh?
Turk: So great. So great. [slaps Carla's ass with a spatula] Now what?
Carla: Well, let's see. Did it on the couch. Did it in the kitchen.
Turk: Oh, yes we did.
Carla: Want to do it on J.D.'s bed?
Turk: I think it's about time someone did. [both laugh] You don't really want to have more sex, do you?
Carla: God no, I didn't even want to do it in the kitchen.