J.D.: [v.o.] It's amazing how some couples are so close that they can finish each other's sentences.
Turk: So, there we were, hottest day of the year...
J.D.: At the beach and we're both wearing jeans. Isn't that crazy? Guess who we run into?
Turk: Also in jeans.
Carla: It was Dr. J, Kim, and unless you want to hear about this for the next hour, please change the subject.
Kim: Okay, my lease is up on my apartment in Washington, and my OB said that my mucus plug is holding firm, and that's all I've got.

J.D.: Why don't you just give up that apartment? You said it's so small. Plus, I think it'd be fun if the baby was around here for a few months.
Kim: Okay, I'll give it up.
J.D.: Incidentally, that's not the first time she's said that today, if you know what I'm talking about.
Turk: I know what you're talkin' about.
J.D.: I hit it and I hit it good.
Turk: Yes, you did.
J.D.: Rowdy-style. We have to look out for that belly. It's dangerous.
Turk: Listen, I have a video that you might be a little interested in watching.
J.D.: Are you sure I would?
Carla: Welcome to my world.

Keith: Babe, I like this tuxedo more than the one you picked out.
Elliot: Yeah, it looks really great, Keith, you know, if you plan on sawing me in half at the altar and yelling, "Abracadabra."
Keith: But it's comfortable.
Elliot: You think that I'm gonna be comfortable in my five-inch heels and my rib-crushing corset and my nipple tape? There will be no poppers in my wedding photos, Keith.

Carla: This is Mr. Cole. He's in a persistent vegetative state and was admitted with community-acquired pneumonia.
Woman: It's most likely related to aspiration given his prior phrenic nerve paralysis. [kisses Mr. Cole's forehead]
Elliot: His doctor's creepy.
Carla: That's his wife.
Elliot: Right, right.

Doug: What's going on, guys? I didn't get beeped on my special brain trust pager.
Janitor: This is awkward. Look, Doug, I'm only comfortable with a three-man brain trust, and right now I'm giving Lloyd here a tryout. I'm gonna have to ask for the pager back. Thanks, kid. You can still come to the picnic. There you go, Lloyd. There's your pager. Your idea?
Lloyd: There's this amazing house on my delivery route with all kinds of valuable stuff and no alarm. We could rob it.
Janitor: I'm gonna need that back. I'll hold on to this for a little while.

Kim: [on the phone] So, it turns out my hospital in Tacoma won't grant me more than a six-week leave of absence.
J.D.: So, just look for a job here. I'd love to have my kid in the same city. Plus, Kelso hates the urologist he hired to replace you.
Kim: Are you sure?
[flashback:]
Dr. Henry: Hey, I love being the new urologist here, but I'm having some trouble with my peers. Get it, "pee-ers"?
Dr. Kelso: God, I hate you.
[present:]
J.D.: I'm pretty sure.

J.D.: Raj, Rerun.
Dr. Cox: Okay, Tina, here is what I am prepared to offer you to relinquish the post of godfather...
J.D.: Not interested.
Dr. Cox: Effective immediately, I will stop calling you girls' names. You interested now?
J.D.: I'm still here, aren't I?
Turk: Be strong, you can get more.
J.D.: Good thinking.

J.D.: What else you got, Per-Per?
Dr. Cox: I'll give you my real pager number.
J.D.: I'll be able to page him 24/7!
Turk: No deal.
J.D.: What are you doing?
Turk: Put a cherry on top.

Keith: Babe, should the valets at our reception wear green or red vests?
Elliot: Doesn't matter. Why didn't you just pick one?
Keith: Because I want every detail of our wedding to be exactly the way you want it.
Elliot: I have never loved you more than I do at this moment. And I want them to wear green. Forest, not lime.
Keith: Got it.
Carla: How did you get him to be like that? Did you do that thing all guys want us to do but we swore we'd never do?
Elliot: I didn't have to. He just loves me. Why, did you?
Carla: I'm saving that bullet for a diamond tennis bracelet.

Mrs. Cole: By the way, Frank's breathing was labored, so I suctioned his airway.
Elliot: Mrs. Cole, I have to say, I am blown away by how you're taking care of your husband, especially after two years. Is it hard to make yourself do it every day?
Mrs. Cole: No. We were married 19 years before his accident. You're getting married, you understand that kind of love. Sorry, my husband has a little eye gunk. [wipes her husband's eye]