Dr. Kelso: Well, if it isn't Daddy's little girl.
Elliot: I wanted to tell you what happened to me.
Dr. Kelso: I'm going to right ahead and keep eating my soup, but you rest assured I'm holding my breath on the inside.
Elliot: First, I came out to my mother.
Dr. Kelso: Well, then, it appears the boys in radiology owe me quite a bit of money.

Janitor's Father: Heh-eh. Parents, huh?
J.D.: Tell me about it.
Janitor: Yeah. What's that, a shot at my dad? That's stepping over the line, pal.
J.D.: I missed this.
Janitor: Yeah.

J.D.: Dad?
Turk: Hey, Mr. Dorian.
Sam Dorian: Hey, boys, what's shakin'? Who needs a beer?
Turk: Who doesn't? You see, J.D., this is what goes around. But this? This right here is what comes around.
J.D.: Get out of here.
Sam Dorian: Only two left.
Turk: Oh, that's all right. J.D. will go out.
Sam Dorian: Oh, get some chips.

Sam Dorian: Would you stay? We've got a lot of catching up to do. Please.
J.D.: OK.
Sam Dorian: You guys have a policy on farting?
Turk: No, let 'er rip.
Sam Dorian: Fire in the hole. [loud fart]
J.D.: Oh, my God, Dad.
Turk: Count it!
J.D.: That was a nice moment.

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess everyone's parents drive them crazy.
Elliot: So this is my hospital.
Simon Reid: It's... stunning.
Lily Reid: Honey, is there a rule against looking pretty here?
Elliot: Nothing official.

Margaret Turk: I just think you would look so much more handsome in blue scrubs.
Turk: Thank you, Mommy, but I really like my green scrubs better.

Carla: Why didn't you introduce me to your mother this morning?
Turk: Because she just came by to say "hey" before she checked into her hotel. Besides, she's coming back later to look around.
Carla: OK. I was worried you thought she might not like me.
Turk: She's not gonna like you. Baby, look. My mother's never even called any girl I've ever been with by her actual name. Hell, she called my college girlfriend The Big Easy.
Carla: Well, was she fat and slutty?
Turk: She had beautiful skin. Don't smile, woman. She did. Just beautiful.

Elliot: So, what do you guys think?
Lily Reid: Well, I think it's time to get back to the suite and get in a bath. This place makes me feel dirty.

Elliot: Dr. Kelso? Dr. Kelso, um, these are my parents.
Dr. Kelso: Ah, well! It's always a pleasure to meet the trees from which our little acorns fall. Bob Kelso.
Simon Reid: Simon Reid. I'm chief of medicine at St Augustine's. It's a private hospital in Greenwich.
Lily Reid: I know what you're thinking. You didn't ask. Nobody ever does.
Elliot: So, how long are you guys staying?

Dr. Kelso: All right, sports fans, we have a guest today at rounds, so let's try and be sharp. Why don't we begin with, uh, I don't know, Dr. Reid. What is the nutritional cause of high output cardiac failure?
Elliot: Wet beriberi from thiamine deficiency.
Dr. Kelso: Yes, it is. Next question. Why don't we try... Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Um, I already went, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, are you done for the day?
Elliot: No.
Dr. Kelso: What is the mechanism of Cheyne-Stokes respiration in systolic dysfunction?
J.D.: [v.o.] What? Nobody knows that.
Elliot: Prolongation of circulation time from lung to brain causing diminished sensitivity of the respiratory center to arterial partial pressure of carbon dioxide?
Dr. Kelso: Yes.