Dr. Cox: That's it. I want everybody to get out who is not an expert on lightbulbs. Go on! Get out! [whistles] Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out! What're you still doing here?
Janitor: What you have there is an A21 bulb on a E26 base. Running a hundred watts, putting out about a hundred and thirty volts.
Turk: Get over here, you're helping me.
Dr. Cox: Not so fast, cowboy. You're working with me, tall man.
Janitor: Mmm, actually, no. If I had the time, maybe, but I've got a room to clean. [sits down and opens a newspaper]

J.D.: Now, I've heard some rumors that there's been some fraternizing with some of Dr. Reid's residents. Now, I don't want to mention any names but, Slobodan, enough of that crap!
Doug: Watch your ass.
J.D.: Now, come on, you nerds!

Dr. Molly Clock: Carla, Todd has something he wants to say to you.
Todd: I'm sorry if I ever demeaned you, Carla. You see, my feelings about women were warped by a very unhealthy relationship with my mother. We made out once.
Dr. Molly Clock: That's good, Todd. Keep going.
Todd: Monique, I owe you an apology.
Carla: You fixed the Todd?
Dr. Molly Clock: Well, without regular therapy, it'll probably only last a week.

Dr. Molly Clock: So you're mad at me.
Carla: Excuse me?
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, you're not mad at me! [closes eyes]
Carla: Why did you just close your eyes at me?
Dr. Molly Clock: I've never been able to wink.

Dr. Molly Clock: Not my office. How's it going in here?
Turk & Dr. Cox: Go away!
Dr. Molly Clock: Wow, you kinda harmonized on that. That was cool. It's funny, it's not about the argument anymore between you two it's a competition about who can be stubborn the longest. If you think about it, the real winner is gonna be who has the guts to apologize first.
Turk & Dr. Cox: I got something to say!
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry about the gallbladder thing this morning! Yes, I win!
Turk: Dammit!
Dr. Cox: It's just, you surgeons ride in here, on your white horse and you save the day and the best news that I ever get to give everybody, anybody, ever, is, oh, by the way, were you aware, madam, that the breathing tube you have in your neck also comes in day-glo pink? Come on, look, bottom line: I really needed a win, I did. And I finally got one and you, you stole it, man!

Dr. Cox: Holy cow. Do you realize if we could get a tight enough clamp around the bulb and then just-
Janitor: No, no, no, you'll break the thing. Look, here's the thing about lightbulbs, okay? They're structurally weak at the narrow end, but the round end is surprisingly strong.
Turk: So if we could get behind the bulb...
Janitor: I see where you're headed. We go down through the mouth.
Dr. Cox: [whistles] Your turn's over. All we need to do is thread an angioplasty balloon past the bulb, inflate it...
Dr. Cox & Turk: and then pull.
Janitor: ... And then pull it. I concur.

Elliot: Don't worry, I just came to check on my patients.
J.D.: Do whatever you want, just don't come over to my area.
Elliot: You couldn't pay me to come over to your area.
J.D.: Well, I wouldn't pay you.
Elliot: Well, you don't have enough money.
J.D.: It just so happens I have a rich uncle who'd do anything for me, but I'd never call in that favor just to pay you to come over to my area!
J.D.: [v.o.] "Got her!"

Turk: What are you doing?
Dr. Molly Clock: Oh, um, I'm tired of trying to find my office, so I just set up shop here.
Turk: Oh. Okay, that's not weird. Look, I want to apologize for my wife. She'd never admit it to you, but she likes to be the person around here who tells everybody what to do. Apparently she can't get enough of it at home. Right? Right? Wrong. Look: If every once in a while you could let her be the one to give the advice? You guys might end up being friends.
Dr. Molly Clock: I can do that. And tell Carla that you did well.
Turk: You truly underestimate how proud my wife is. If she knew I was here, she'd kill me.
Dr. Molly Clock: All right. [exits]
Carla: What happened to the part about how much I help people around here?
Turk: Wait a second, she said I did well!

J.D.: Can you imagine us trying to do that three years ago?
Elliot: I know. Remember our first code?
J.D.: Well, I remember hiding in a supply closet.
Elliot: That's the one.
J.D.: [v.o.] Ultimately, conflict is resolved by remembering why you were friends in the first place.

Nurse Roberts: [on the phone] Don't hang up, Lester.
Dr. Molly Clock: You should talk to her. You know her better.
J.D.: [v.o.] Or by swallowing your pride.
Carla: I know what you're doing. But I'm okay with it.