Dr. Cox: You happen to remember when she used to be fun?
Ben: No.
Dr. Cox: Me neither.
J.D.: Me neither.
Dr. Cox: [whistles] When spoken to, Newbie. When spoken to. Here, I thought we were clear on that one.

Dr. Cox: Ben, I notice we haven't grabbed a beer in weeks. What's that about?
J.D.: [v.o.] You know, he's never asked me to grab a beer, but I don't care.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, would you like to come?
J.D.: Oh, God, yes.

J.D.: To buddies!
Dr. Cox: What in the hell do you think you're doing? You can't drink. You're our driver. That's why we brought you to begin with.
Ben: That's just not right. Well, I'm gonna drink this for both of us.

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk, I heard about your mishap earlier today, but here's the skinny. If that patient finds out what happened because you can't rein in your yapper, then heads will roll, and I promise, yours and Ted's will be the first to go!
Ted: What did I do?
Turk: Consider my lips sewn shut, sir. Which, in this hospital, could happen.
Dr. Kelso: Young man! At Sacred Heart, we do not make mistakes.

Dr. Cox: Oh, chalk boy?
J.D.: "Chalk boy."
Dr. Cox: Gladys, if you could chalk it without pleasuring it, that'd be terrific. [Ben laughs] What?
Ben: I know you're going for that gruff doctor routine, but you just come off sounding like a cartoon pirate. "Argh, Gladys. Chalk it! Don't pleasure it! Argh!"
J.D.: "Here's what we're gonna do."
Dr. Cox: Are ya done?
J.D.: Yeah, I'm done.
Dr. Cox: [fake weep] Yeah, I think you are, too.

Dr. Cox: All right, Clara. You can order yourself a Cosmopolitan. We'll just grab a cab home.
J.D.: Actually, Ben's been sneaking me beers all night, and I'm quite drunk.
Dr. Cox: That's just great. Hey, Ben, what- Why is this hand still bleeding?
Ben: I don't know. It's pretty weird because I cut myself shaving last week and it wouldn't stop bleeding.
J.D.: [v.o.] One of the things that sucks about being a doctor is that you never miss a red flag.

J.D.: [v.o.] I was paged because Ben's blood work was finally ready. Unfortunately, the chart wasn't in the out box. I'd knock, but the haematopathologist is the meanest, intern-hating-est monster in this hospital.
Doug: Don't be a chicken. If you need something, just go in and get it.
[fantasy:]
Doug: Excuse me, sir... [monster growls, Doug screams, blood splatters the door] I'll come back later.

J.D.: [v.o.] When you have to deliver horrible news to someone, the walk to their door can seem an eternity.

Ben: [camera click] Thank you, nice nurse.
Dr. Cox: Ben, why?
Ben: Because it's my thing. You're just jealous because you don't have a thing.
Dr. Cox: I had a thing. I used to like to hike. But Jordan somehow got that in the divorce too.
Ben: She got your hobby? That's vindictive.
Dr. Cox: Look, Ben, I know I am prone to making the occasional casual reference to your sister being a... Well, a wire-haired man-goblin. But I hope that has no effect on your relationship.
Ben: It's really very sweet of you to think that you're that important.

Ben: Hey, new friend.
Dr. Cox: Oh, Janice, are those the test results we've been waiting for?
J.D.: [v.o.] Wait a sec, first Turk's patient, then Elliot's. This is a mistake. I just, I feel it in my gut. I'm sure of it.
Dr. Cox: Hello, Janice?
J.D.: Uh, no, this is some... You know, that lab is backed up again, and so I'm gonna... It's gonna be a little while.
Dr. Cox: All right. Terrific to see you.