J.D.: Thanks a lot.
Turk: What?
J.D.: That Dan train used to hook up with Elliot.
Turk: So?
Herbie: So? Your boy J.D.'s been telling him Elliot still likes him.
J.D.: Doctor-patient confidentiality goes both ways, Mr. I Prefer My Temperature Taken Through the Back Door.
Herbie: What? I mean, it tickles.

J.D.: Look, Dan doesn't exactly have the world by the tail, OK? Every time he calls me depressed, the only thing I could think of to cheer him up was to say, "Elliot still digs you." I'm trying to find a way to make him feel good about himself.
Turk: If we have a boy, we'll name him George.
J.D.: What about Tiger?

Herbie: Hey, man, where'd your brother go, anyway?
J.D.: Oh, boy. [to phone] Call Elliot. No, call Elliot. No. No... Call Elliot. Got her.

Elliot: We don't want any distractions while we're trying to make a baby.
Keith: OK, you gotta stop saying that.
Elliot: Look, Keith, we're role-playing. This is not real. Let's just do this.
Keith: All right.
Elliot: [moaning] Promise me you'll hold me like this when I'm pushing your baby out my bajingo.
Keith: Okay, I'm putting on a third condom.

Jordan: I gotta go to Jack's preschool. Apparently, Seymour was teasing him, so he punched him in the face.
Dr. Cox: Do Seymour's parents have to go down there?
Jordan: I doubt it. They're turtles.
Dr. Kelso: Count yourself lucky. My son just sent me a picture of himself sitting on the lap of his new boyfriend, Winston.
Both: Oh!
Jordan: Why are they dressed up as Tonto and the Lone Ranger?
Dr. Kelso: Well, I'd like to say they're going to a costume party, but apparently those are their jammies.
Dr. Cox: Look at the bright side. He's like the daughter you never had, only gay and unsuccessful. [Cox and Kelso laugh]
Dr. Kelso: Tell me about it.
Dr. Cox: So funny, the way kids are, isn't it? You never know how it's gonna go.

Carla: I can't believe those kids are playing with that dead guy's butt hamster.
Turk: That is disgusting.
Girl: It's my turn to hold Angie.
Carla: What did she call that thing?
Turk: Uh, baby, we should go.
Carla: Where'd you come up with that name?
[flashback:]
J.D.: I guess I could help you name her. Let's see. It's a girl hamster. What about Angie?
Girl: I love it!
J.D.: Me too. Angie, guys?
All: Yeah!
J.D.: Angie, it is!

Turk: Hold his arms.
J.D.: Wait! Turk, it was an accident, OK? The name just popped into my head!
Turk: Shut up! You just shut up right now! Pink belly.
J.D.: No! Turk!
J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, Turk was the greatest pink-bellier in all the land.
J.D.: [screams]

Dr. Kelso: Ted, I've decided this project is over the head of that pretty lady there, so Dr. Cox will be replacing her.
Claire: That was the longest three hours of my life.
Ted: Call me.
Ted: Tell you what she's not good at. Staring contests.
Dr. Cox: Why, Bob?
Dr. Kelso: Why the hell not?

J.D.: So, Herbert, how are you doing with your diet?
Herbie: The best I can do, man. How's your tummy?
J.D.: Oh, Turk was so proud of his handiwork that he signed it. I think he knows it's so painful I won't be able to wash it for some time.

Herbie: I mean, are you all two OK?
J.D.: Actually, we were. The way the whole brother thing works, now that Dan had beaten me up, it was all over.
Dan: Why'd you lie to me about Elliot?
J.D.: [v.o.] Or not.
J.D.: Oh, come on, man. A girl like Elliot could never really be into somebody like you.
Dan: Why wouldn't she be into me?
J.D.: [v.o.] The obvious response was Elliot was looking for a guy with more going on in life. And the only way to gently break that to my brother was this...
J.D.: Elliot wants to have kids right now and she knows you're not ready.
Dan: Oh! Bummer.