Dr. Cox: Hey, Bob, you got a minute?
Dr. Kelso: If you killed Ted, I don't wanna know about it. Just make sure it's not traceable to the hospital.
Dr. Cox: That's not why I'm here. But it's good to know. Look, uh, I just wanted to apologize for what I said about your son.
Dr. Kelso: Well, he hasn't turned out exactly as I'd planned. For example, I always imagined we'd spend his thirteen birthday fly-fishing in Montana.
Dr. Cox: Where did you spend it?
Dr. Kelso: On 42nd Street, camped out for Ain't Misbehavin' tickets. He's a good kid, though.
Dr. Cox: Tell me about him.
Dr. Kelso: He is a good kid. He's always been a good kid. Uh, first time I knew we weren't on the same page was when he took up knitting.
Dr. Cox: Knitting?
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, I thought he was gonna learn how to tie knots.

J.D.: Hey, Dan.
Dan: Hey, Johnny. Just packing up. I thought you had to work.
J.D.: I do, but I wanted to talk to you about something.
Dan: Yeah, what's up?
J.D.: Elliot doesn't want to have babies with Keith.
Dan: Oh. Tough break for Keith. You know, I almost had a threesome with that guy.

J.D.: What's up, my negro amigo?
Turk: Nothing.
J.D.: Hey, the reason I paged you was because I can't figure out what's going on with Herbert. He's got acute back pain, but no causa equina signs.
Turk: If we have a girl, we're gonna name her Angie.

J.D.: [v.o.] Carla's pregnancy also affected Elliot.
Elliot: OK, so we're both off in a few minutes. Here's what's gonna happen. We're heading back to my place.
Keith: Oh, yeah?
Elliot: I'm gonna put on something very naughty.
Keith: Awesome.
Elliot: Then we're going to have sex and pretend we aren't using protection to make a baby.
Keith: Un-awesome.
Elliot: Keith, we're doing this. I need it.

Carla: You better put your scrubs on. Herbert's back.
J.D.: How you doing?
J.D.: [v.o.] Due to his weight, Herbert was a frequent visitor. And no one liked treating him. It wasn't a mean thing.
See, with big people, even the simple stuff is more difficult. I didn't mind, because Herbie was my man.
J.D.: How you feeling, Love Bug?
Herbie: Fully loaded. Hey, it's time for my sponge bath, right? I'll need three girls.
J.D.: Herbie, it's not a bathhouse.

J.D.: [v.o.] And just like that, I had the chance to comfort Claire.
J.D.: You look like you need to be rescued.
J.D.: [v.o.] Life was good. But then came a surprise visit from my brother and a round of the game he likes to call Watch Her Leave.
Dan: There's no easy way to say this. We got the crabs.

J.D.: Wow, she was cute.
J.D.: Yes, she was, Dan. Thank you.
Dan: Welcome.
J.D.: [to camera] We'll be right back.
Woman: Was he talking to us?
Carla: Don't know, don't care. Here, take this.

Dan: So, what's new around here?
Turk: Carla's pregnant.
Dan: Dude, bummer.
Turk: No, we're trying to have kids.
Dan: Oh, congratulations. That's great. I'm not really a big kid person. Are you guys totally freaking out?
Carla & Turk: No.

Carla: Okay, so here's how I think we should name our baby. It's what my parents did. If it's a girl, I get to pick the name. If it's a boy, you pick the name.
Turk: OK.
Carla: I like Angie for a girl.
Turk: And if it's a boy, say hello to Fu-Kwon. What's up!

Carla: Okay, you know what, maybe we should pick the names together.
Turk: OK. 'Cause I was thinking, you know, for a girl-
Carla: Sweetie, we already have the girl's name. Now, for the boy, why not name him after your cousin?
Turk: Tiger?
Carla: Turk, I'm begging you to stop telling people that. No one believes you.
Turk: Well, tell that to the last two women I slept with before you, OK? She-boing, boing.