Carla: Dr. Cox, Dr. Kelso has something he wants to say to you.
Dr. Kelso: So I hear there was an age mix-up, that I was unaware of, and anyway-
Carla: You're OK.
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry.
J.D.: [v.o.] I guess it comes down to how we want to be seen by other people.
Dr. Cox: I proud of you, Robert. Put her there. Woof! Oh, and I think it's important you understand I had no idea how old that patient was. And for the record, she could've been 170, I still would've stuck her in that trial so fast it'd make your teeth fall out all over again. [laughs]
Carla: That's perfect.
Dr. Cox: I would too.

Mr. Blair: You got me in the ICU for a cold?
J.D.: Mr. Blair, you have a sever sinus infection with orbital extension. You were admitted delirious from your 106-degree temperature, completely naked and very adamant about staying that way.
Mr. Blair: I was hot.
Nurse Roberts: I'll second that. Mmm-hmm.

Nurse Roberts: She slept with him and she hardly knew him.
Mr. Blair: Does that happen a lot around here?
Nurse Roberts: Not enough.

J.D.: Mr. Blair, that infection keeps hanging around, so I want to put you on a broader-spectrum antibiotics which we'll administer intravenously.
Mr. Blair: But I'm feeling a lot better.
J.D.: I'm gonna tell you something my mom used to tell me when I was scared. In the case of severe sinus infection not responding to a three-day cycle of antibiotics, the recommended protocol is imipenem, 500 mg, IVQ, six hours. Got me through a lot of hard times.

Dr. Cox: Why in the hell are you wearing a coat?
J.D.: 'cause I'm a doctor.
Dr. Cox: Look, Babs, if you're truly worried about people seeing your ass, just go ahead and do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.
J.D.: Well, I look doctorly.
Dr. Cox: No, you look like the guy who goes to a garage sale, buys a bronze star, pins it to his lapel and then tells everyone to call him Sarge. And nobody likes that guy. Not a soul.

J.D.: My bad.
Ted: Imipenem. Imipenem. Imipenem. "Unlike gentamicin and tetracycline, imipenem has never been associated with anosmia." [sighs manically] My God, we're OK. We're okay.
J.D.: Great. Thank you, Ted.
Ted: It's my birthday.
J.D.: What?
Ted: Nothing. [J.D. exits] And many more...

Elliot: No, Dr. Murray, I don't want any fries to go with this shake. I don't even know what that means.
Noelle: Excuse me, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: What? You want to ask me how many ceiling tiles I've counted? Maybe you want to call me a name like tramp, ho or slesident, which is half slut, half resident.
Noelle: No.
Elliot: Then what is it, Noelle?
Noelle: I just want to know where the G-spot is.
Elliot: The what spot?

Elliot: That girl just asked me to give her my top ten sexual positions, and after the two that I knew, I just started naming insects.
Turk: Elliot, that really sucks. I'm sorry.
Elliot: I'm not sure. I mean, I was mad at you at first. But it's actually kind of empowering to have this persona, this identity. I'm not just some nameless, faceless white doctor, I'm Elliot Reid, tramp.
Turk: Well, that's great. If you're happy, I'm happy.
Elliot: The weird thing is she said she'd already tried stink bug.

Janitor: Oh, so we're done with the coats? Well, it was a fun day, though, wasn't it? See you tomorrow.
J.D.: Maybe tomorrow I'll get a bad haircut and push round a mop all day.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: I know. You don't have to do it, OK?
Opera Singer: [sings] Mistake!
J.D.: Yeah.

J.D.: [v.o.] Work's seems different now I'm a resident. I feel more confident, more like a, hell, I'll say it, a doctor.
J.D.: Good morning, people. [silence] You're gonna be fine, ma'am.
Woman: I work here.
J.D.: Still doesn't change the fact you're gonna be fine.