J.D.: Oh, man! I can't believe it's over.
Turk: Dude, it's not that serious. There could be a window, but you have to get in there and fish for information.
You don't want to lose this hottie! She is a slamming hottie, and you-
Carla: Turk.
J.D.: I got this. Baby, you know you're his world.

J.D.: OK, well, let's get a little history on you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Time to go fishing for some info.
J.D.: You ever have any shortness of breath, for instance when you're walking Kylie to the apartment that you share?
Kylie: We don't live together.
J.D.: [v.o.] Window! Window!
J.D.: Oh, so you're waiting until you get married.
Kylie: We're not engaged.
James: To answer your question, I don't have shortness of breath, but my right knee is a little puffy.
J.D.: Well, maybe that's from dragging your feet. Am I right, Kylie? She knows!

Elliot: Do you believe that guy?
Dr. Cox: I never cease to be amazed by the depth of his cynicism and callousness.
Elliot: So what do you think we should do?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't care. I'm going home to watch the Lakers play the Heat. It's the game of the year, Shaq versus Kobe. And you are going to stay and deal with this yourself.
Elliot: Shaq versus Kobe?
Dr. Cox: All the best.

Kylie: What happened to your eye?
J.D.: It's a little embarrassing. I was playing basket-
Turk: Embarrassing for me, actually. [to J.D.] It's Wingman time. [to Kylie] We were playing basketball, and he scored eight buckets in a row on yours truly.
J.D.: I alley-ooped him.
Kylie: Shut up. You could've used J.D. at Seton Hall.
Turk: Oh, also, the soup kitchen where you volunteer called- You played ball at Seton Hall?
James: All four years.
Turk: Get out of here!
J.D.: Did the soup kitchen where I volunteer have a message?
Turk: Yeah. They're out of broth. What was it like playing college ball?

J.D.: Your gramstain shows that you have... You have gonorrhoea. We should probably test Kylie to see if she's infected.
James: No, we haven't slept together, yet. It's not like I'm missing out. I probably got it from my secretary. Or that trainer from the gym. Or this fine chick Tamyra that bartends with Kylie.
J.D.: Yeah. We should probably get you fixed up, or things might start falling off of you.

J.D.: Why do all the good ones have boyfriends with venereal diseases, but you can't say anything 'cause you're the guy's doctor?
Carla: I am so sick of men screwing women over, like cheating on them or using your lavender bath gel to wash their car.
Turk: Baby, you did not just compare cheating and getting gonorrhea to me using your soap.

J.D.: [v.o.] The only thing you can take solace in is a girl like her would probably never be interested in you.
Kylie: I can't believe a cute guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend. If I was single, I'd snatch you up.
J.D.: Would you like to play a game of hangman?

J.D.: [v.o.] As I sat there letting my interns do all my work, I wondered if there was a parallel universe where another J.D. and another Kylie could be together because there's no Hippocratic oath on planet Glornack Seven.
Elliot: Are you on Glornack Seven?

J.D.: Why are you so happy?
Elliot: I just did an exchange transfusion on my malaria patient in there, and he just woke up from his coma.
J.D.: Well, he woke up to a world of bad boyfriends, oaths, and gonorrhoea.

J.D.: [v.o.] Signs be damned! I'm telling her.
J.D.: Kylie! Kylie!
Turk: [tackles J.D.] You can't tell her. They won't let you be a doctor anymore.
J.D.: Who cares? I'd make more money bartending.
Carla: Turk, if we leave right now, I might be awake for sex tonight, so go get my coat. [to J.D.] You owe me.