Dr. Cox: Look it, I know that I called you at home and I threatened to kill your dog, but thanks again for coming in there, Dr. Callahan.
Dr. No-Shot: No problem. It's not like I need a lot of sleep to practice medicine on small children.
Dr. Cox: This'll only take a second. My daughter needs a shot for a dermatitis.
Dr. No-Shot: Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, I'm Dr. No-Shot.
Dr. Cox: You're kidding, right? You're a pediatrician, you must have to give the occasional shot.
Dr. No-Shot: Sure, if my name was Dr. Occasional Shot, but it's not.

Dr. No-Shot: Look, I have been a doctor for these kids for years, I don't want them balling every time they see me because they associate me with pain.
Dr. Cox: That's insane.
Dr. No-Shot: Yeah. Then why aren't you giving your daughter the shot?
Dr. Cox: I don't want her to forever associate me with...
Dr. No-Shot: What? I didn't- I didn't catch that.
Dr. Cox: Pain.
Dr. No-Shot: Was that your inside voice? You can- You can bring it up.
Dr. Cox: My daughter to forever associate me with pain.
Dr. No-Shot: Ironic. Why don't you ask one of the nurses to give it to her.
Dr. Cox: There's only one nurse in this whole dump I would let touch my daughter.

Carla: I can't believe you're still playing this stupid game.
Janitor: Hit him with the firesaber.
Dr. Kelso: Hit him with a lamp.
Turk: There's no lamp in this game, sir.
Dr. Kelso: I was talking to your wife. Hit Turkleton with this lamp.

Carla: Janitor, you're getting pummeled.
Janitor: That sounded like criticism. I don't respond well to criticism.
Carla: Whatever, you still suck.
Janitor: I'm out.
Turk: No, dude, come on. Baby why'd you have to go and say that? I can't finish this game by myself.
Carla: Follow my lead and jump in that warthog. You drive, I'll man the machine-gun and kill all the Jackals.
Turk: You've never been more sexy to me!

Keith: Oh, that's disgusting!
Elliot: Hey, Keith.
Keith: Burn in hell.

Elliot: I'm so sorry about you and Kim. Is there anything I can do?
J.D.: Just take care of her.
Elliot: Okay. God, you're having a baby! Wanna do a celebratory jump?
J.D.: Nah, Turk, Carla and I tried one earlier, turned out to be lame.
Elliot: Oh, please, you probably loved it and just didn't want to admit it.

Dr. Cox: Hey, you. Blondie go that way? Thanks.
Kim: Get out!
Dr. Cox: Oh, dear God. It is like Baghdad in there. Look, Newbie, I'm on the verge of losing of my mind. Do you have the time to give my daughter a shot now that you've ruined your life?
J.D.: Will you talk me through when I'm going to?
Dr. Cox: Absolutely not.
J.D.: Then find someone else to help you.
Dr. Cox: Oh, damn, fine. Okay. Fine. But if you use the words "emotional roller coaster" I am O-U-T.
J.D.: Deal. I just feel like I'm on this like emotional... ride of some sort
Dr. Cox: Oh!

Turk: Baby, you are awesome! Did you play this before?C
Carla: Listen, I discovered the game when Izzy had colic and I was up all night, and I became addicted. That's actually the main reason why I wanted it out of the apartment.
Turk: Oh, I thought you were mad because I'd rather play the game than play with Izzy. Which I guess it's sometimes true. Baby, don't get it twisted. That girl is my world, but every now and then I gotta do my own thing. You've heard of hunger-pangs? I get sports-pangs. And "watch Judge Dredd with J.D."-pangs.
Carla: Turk, you think you're the only one who gets pangs? I get "Put on my tight jeans and walk down the street to see if anybody honks" pangs. They do, actually.

Carla: I mean, how do you think I became addicted to this game? Every parent needs to take some time off.
Dr. Kelso: You're damn right, they do. Hell, my son Harrison is a grown man, and I still get urge to slip away during his visits. Of course, that may have more to do with this new boyfriend of his. I swear, you could line up a hundred gay men, and Harrison would pick out the attention-starved, bi-polar ex-con every time. [answers phone] Oh, Harrison! Your ears must have been burning!
Turk: And now, what do we do?
Carla: We kill one more alien boss, and then we've finished.
Turk: I like your style.
Dr. Kelso: [on the phone] Of course you had to break up with him. No one you love should ever sell your car without asking and then blow all the money on meth.

Dr. Cox: Carla, are you done yet?
Carla: Not yet.
J.D.: [v.o.] As I looked around the room, I thought about the things parents do for their kids. Like going to extraordinary lengths to ensure their child never feared them.
Dr. Cox: Okay, let's keep looking.
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] Helping them mend their broken heart.
Dr. Kelso: Well, why can't you still be with Gary? I always liked him. What do you mean he stole your fillings?
J.D.: [v.o.] Or staying up late, to make sure there's one less distraction around.
Turk: Game, and that's game, and that's how we do! And that is how we do! That's right.
J.D.: [v.o.] And I realized parenting is about sacrifice. And I had to go in there and be there for my child. Even if that meant taking some well-deserved abuse.
Kim: Get out of here, you jerk.
J.D.: No.