Jordan: The board meeting is just about to start. It's only the three of you?
Janitor: I'll probably say a few words as well. Mostly about the potential of mind control in modern medicine.
Jordan: Oh, this should go well.

J.D.: [v.o.] Since Elliot revealed that Dr. Kelso is 65, the board was forcing him to retire in a few weeks.
Elliot: This is even worse than when they decided female staffers couldn't wear open-toed shoes. Obviously, this is much worse but that sucked too.

J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Cox had a patient that he hadn't been able to diagnose for two years. And he was back again.
Dr. Cox: Look, Alex, I'm afraid I still don't know what's causing all of this, so I'm gonna go ahead and treat your heart palpitations with beta blockers.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk and I couldn't resist play the little game called "poke the bear".
J.D.: Turk, yesterday I had this patient I just could not diagnose.
Turk: Wow, you must have felt like a real jackass.
J.D.: I did feel like a jackass, but then I was able to figure out what was wrong with him, because I'm not a jackass, I'm a good doctor.
J.D.: [v.o.] Okay, now just stay calm, so he doesn't know what you're up to. Oh, no, Turk's breaking. Quick, distract the bear with a casual greeting.
J.D.: Oh, hey Dr. Cox, how are things? [Dr. Cox walks away] My God, that was amazing. I never felt so alive in my whole life.
Turk: My heart stopped for a second.
J.D.: We made it. I love you, man.
Turk: I love you too. [they hug]
J.D.: You smell like an athlete.

Elliot: And done. 23 stitches.
Carla: Here's some painkillers. I want to take one of those every four hours, okay? [Ted swallows the lot] No trying to talk.

Carla: I've always respected Kelso. He's got a tough job. And I bet deep down, everybody here want us to help him keep it. [Ted groans] Ted, no talking.

Jordan: Why would anyone wanna save Kelso's job?
Carla: For starters-
Jordan: You know what? I don't honestly care one way or the other.
Carla: About Kelso?
Jordan: Or about anything. But then again, you two are young enough and attractive enough that I'm not angry when people assume we're friends, so what the hell? Here's what you do. Board members hate confrontation. There's a board meeting tonight. Just show up at the hospital, with all the movers and shakers in support of Kelso, they'll cave.

Alex: I think this might be the thousandth time I've peed in a cup for you, doc.
Dr. Cox: Well, then, to us. Hard to celebrate?
Alex: Yeah.
Dr. Cox: I got it.

Dr. Cox: Jeez Louise, can you believe how many files I have on this guy? The only way I've been able to bind them together was with this bike bunge. Hang on to that for a second, will you please?
J.D.: Sure. I don't think he realizes we were making fun of him earlier.
Turk: Say, what's up your arm?
[J.D. looks and realizes the bike bunge is taut as Dr. Cox has moved to the other end of the corridor]
J.D.: Oh, boy.
[J.D. is knocked down when Dr. Cox releases the bunge, which retracts and and hits J.D. in the face]

Dr. Kelso: Look, Kelso's a pain in the ass. You know what I say: Bring on the next pain in the ass. Hermione! Have you seen Mr. McRae's urine test?
J.D.: I'm on, slick.
Turk: You don't remember where you left that cup of pee, do ya?
J.D.: No clue. We have to find it or he's gonna kill us.
Turk: Us? Try you, he's not killing me! Why is it gettin' harder to walk?
[Turk looks back and notices Dr. Cox has attached the bike bunge to his waist and is, once again, sitting across the corridor]
Turk: Uh-oh.
[Dr. Cox releases the bunge, sending it hurtling towards Turk and J.D. It once again hits J.D. in the face and knocks him down.]
Turk: Dude! That was lucky!

J.D.: Where did I leave that stupid pee?
Turk: Dude, retrace your steps.
J.D.: Okay, I remember we were walking this way, and you had to stop Mrs. Butler from wandering out of her room again.
Turk: Oh, no! Mrs. Butler, back in here. Then I got paged to surgery.
J.D.: Right. And I came with you to cheer you on, and I hold your fedora. And then we went out to the ramp to celebrate.
Turk: There it is.
J.D.: Why would it turn purple?