J.D.: [v.o.] At certain times in our lives, we all get introspective.
Dr. Kelso: Taking it all in, too? Why don't you have a seat, son?
Boon: Actually, sir, um, my shift is bout to start, so I should...
Dr. Kelso: Son, I don't care if the cure for cancer was laughter and you had Nipsey Russell in your backpack. Park it! I want to get all nostalgic, crap.
Boon: What's that strange red puddle loosing towards us?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, that's just Ted's blood. Apparently he bit of a chunk of his tongue. Anyway, when I started here, I was only 26.

Elliot: I keep thinking about Kelso. He reminds me of my grandpa. He's pervy, demeaning, and a eensy bit racist, but you crave his love anyway, because he smells like peppermint.

J.D.: Dr. Cox we're sorry. Don't worry tough. Turk and I are gonna help you diagnose this patient.
Dr. Cox: That's terrific, because I'm so darn lost, I just keep procrastinating. I check my emails, I pick up a copy of Us Weekly to see which of my favorite celebs is bringing back the fedora. It's Johnny Depp, by the way.
J.D.: He doesn't think we could help.
Turk: I'd look good in a fedora.
J.D.: Turk, focus. We're being insulted. I'm tired of your not focusing when someone insults us. It ends up all on me.
Dr. Cox: Hey, if you really wanna be useful make like an orderly and take that urine sample down to the lab.

Elliot: Hey, slick. Will you come to the board meeting tonight to help Dr. Kelso?
Dr. Cox: Now, why on Earth would I do that?
Carla: For some reason she thinks if you call a man "slick" he'll do anything for you.
Elliot: It also works on lesbians, so...
Carla: Come on! You know that deep down inside, you're okay with Kelso running this place.
Dr. Kelso: Deep down, I hate Bob Kelso and wish he would die painfully.
Butch Woman: Here's the research you wanted.
Elliot: Thanks, slick.

Elliot: We don't need Dr. Cox. You know, we'll round up everyone else, and not just the doctors, we'll get all the non-medical personal too.
Carla: Good idea. Ted, who would you say is the leader of the support staff? [Ted points towards the Janitor]
Janitor: Well, well. Look who has come crawling back, through the desert of shame to the oasis of hope. Begging for just one sip of cool Janitor forgiveness. Well, the answer's no.
Elliot: Please, Janitor!
Janitor: All right, I'm in. Doggone it, I cannot resist that adorable mug of yours. I would have to throw a cup of acid on it to keep it from having power over me. Grr.

Boon: Sir, my shift started two hours ago. I should really go.
Dr. Kelso: You know, there are some things I sure as hell will not miss about this place, like how more often than not, medical skills doesn't matter. It all comes down to dumb luck.
[meanwhile:]
J.D.: Okay, I'm googling "purple pee".
Turk: Google that bitch.
J.D.: That's it. We left it in the sun! If urine exposed to U.V. light turns purple, it's a sign of a rare genetic disorder called "Acute Intermittent Porphyria".
Turk: Symptoms includes bloating, high blood pressure, seizures... Cox's patient has all of those. We figured it out. One, two, three...
Both: In his face!

Dr. Kelso: Or how every day in this place is made up of little battles.
Boon: Or how around here, once the ball starts rolling there's not much you can do to... Sorry, Sir, did you have another?
Dr. Kelso: Or how around here, once the ball starts rolling there's not much you can do to stop it.
Elliot: He's outta here.

Dr. Kelso: Or how patients don't appreciate their doctors anymore. Or how medical skill doesn't matter, it's all just a dumb luck.
Boon: Oh, you already said that one, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Son, my blood sugar is low, and unless you have a candy bar in that gay little napsack of yours, shut it! Or how if you get to the cafeteria past five, they're always out of pies.

[As Dr. Cox sits down at their table, Turk and J.D. are beatboxing the Scrubs theme tune]
Dr. Cox: What the hell is this? What's the occasion? Did Barbie finally wax her tiny annoying mustache?
Elliot: Stop saying mean things about me, I'm not even talking to you.
J.D.: We diagnosed your patient, buddy. He's got Acute Intermittent Porphyria.
Dr. Cox: What?
Turk: If it makes you feel any better, it did almost take us three hours.
Dr. Cox: Oh, for the love of God.

Dr. Kelso: Even though I knew it was coming, eventually, it still shocked me when the board said I had to leave Sacred Heart. But you know that, don't don't you? You've been sitting here listening to me yap all day. By the way, what's your name, son?
Boon: Boon, Sir.
Dr. Kelso: My God, what a ridiculous name. Boon. Boon. My name is Boon. Well, I guess you should go, Boon.
Boon: Really? Thank you, Sir. So... So you think my next 20 years here will be a nightmare?
Dr. Kelso: No. I think you'll love it.