Carla: Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Yes, what is it?
Carla: I wanted to thank you for what you did. You know, when you yelled at me in front of the other nurses. I appreciate it.
Dr. Kelso: Young lady, I yelled at you because that paperwork looked like it had been done by a drunk four-year-old. Listen, Carla, I have a family who loves me, a handful of close friends and a wonderful hobby shop in my basement. I don't spend much time worrying about people's feelings around here. I just do whatever makes me happy.
Carla: So can I still get a ride tomorrow?
Dr. Kelso: I don't know if I've forgiven you yet for hiding this morning. But you could always skip the bus tomorrow morning and take your chances.

J.D.: All right, I should've done this a long time ago, so here goes. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you of being jealous. You were just looking out for me. You were right about Alex.
Elliot: You never did sleep with her, did you?
J.D.: Nah. But why does that matter?
Elliot: Because I was jealous. [kisses J.D.]

J.D.: [v.o.] When you're crazy about someone, even waking up isn't so bad any more.
J.D.: Good morning.
J.D.: [v.o.] The air feels crisper, the sun seems brighter. Even your morning breath smells good.
Alex: You taste like old eggs.
J.D.: I'm so sorry.
Alex: I love old eggs.

J.D.: I'll go ahead and say it. I hope we never have sex.
Alex: What would you say if I told you that I feel ready right now?
J.D.: Whatever.
Alex: Then I think tonight...
J.D.: Tonight is good, but now also good.
Alex: Yeah, now works. Sure.
Turk: [enters] Now, that's what I'm talking about. [claps]

Allan: Bob, how are you?
Dr. Kelso: Fine, Allan. Today, I think I'll try a double half-caf multi-foam latte mochaccino with a shot of vanilla and a sprinkle of nutmeg.
Allan: Black coffee?
Dr. Kelso: Bingo-bango.
Carla: Oh, my God. These people actually like you.

Dr. Cox: Why, why, why, for the love of Oprah, why would you come to Paediatrics?
Turk: I can't go unless you're around. You're my little pee buddy!

Turk: Who'd you side with? Elliot or Alex?
J.D.: Neither. I pretended I was paged and when they both said they didn't hear it, I called them liars and ran.

Turk: Stick to the booty principle.
J.D.: What's that?
Turk: Who do you want to sleep with?
J.D.: Alex.
Turk: Then she might be right.

Carla: Laverne, could you hand me some gauze?
Nurse Roberts: Maybe Dr. Kelso can pick you up and take you to the gauze store.
Carla: All right now, listen.
Dr. Kelso: Carla. This paperwork has your signature on it and it is totally sub-par. I won't stand for this kind of shoddy work.
Nurse Roberts: [to Carla] Let me help you.

Dr. Cox: Look, we're both men. One of us a little more than the other, but that's OK.
Turk: What do you want?
Dr. Cox: I'm not gonna do anything to mess up what you've got with Carla. That's not my game.
Turk: I won't tell Carla how you feel about her. It's not my place.
Dr. Cox: But the minute you screw this thing up, and you will screw it up, I'll be waiting.
Turk: If you're gonna wait, I'd bring a book, 'cause it's gonna be a while.