Turk: Okay, when the lecture starts, I'll start to choke and then you yell: "Is there a doctor in the house?"
J.D.: That's gonna kill. Just be careful, don't really choke, that wouldn't be funny.

J.D.: Do you think if Elliot and I were still dating we'd be getting married?
Turk: Dude, you gotta turn this off, alright? We are on vacation, there are plenty of hot girls here. And single.
J.D.: Turk, Elliot getting married is a big deal for me. There's not just one girl who's gonna make me stop thinking about it.
Kim: [addressing conference] Good afternoon. I'm Dr. Briggs, and I'm lecturing on the use of high dose radiation therapy in prostate cancer.
J.D.: [v.o.] Except maybe the last girl I was in love with.

J.D.: I can't believe Kim's here. I guess I have to go talk to her.
Turk: And why is that a bad thing?
J.D.: Uh, we've never spoken since the miscarriage.
Turk: She looks good. I think her boobs got bigger.
J.D.: Really? Let me see. [holds hands out] Yeah, you're right. Check it!
J.D.: [v.o.] As we sat there air-groping my ex, I wondered how things were going back at the hospital.

J.D.: [v.o.] Elliott was probably still giddy about her engagement.
Dr. Cox: So let me ask you this there, Barb. Do you really wanna marry Keith? Or do you just want to get married?

Kim: [to conference] Uh, okay. That's that's all I've got. Thanks for barely listening.
J.D.: Do you think she still thinks about me?
[When Kim walks out from behind the lectern, it's clear she is heavily pregnant]
Turk: Probably.
Kim: Are there any questions?
J.D.: [raises hand]

Kim: Sorry. Okay, too soon for laughter, I know that you must be really upset.
J.D.: Upset is just one of the emotions I'm feeling, Kim. How could you do this to me?
Kim: I don't know. My hormones went crazy. And I was scared and I thought that we were only together because I was pregnant. And so, I lied and I pushed you out the door and then I got really angry that you left me.
J.D.: Were you ever planning on telling me?
Kim: Yes, of course. Yes. I just hadn't figured out how yet. I mean, what can I possibly say?
J.D.: I don't know. How about: "J.D., I think there might be something living in my uterus".
Kim: I know I made a huge mistake. And I'm so, so sorry. I'd just backed myself into this corner and I didn't know how to get out and... You know what? No more excuses. I did a horrible thing. I don't expect you to forgive me.
J.D.: Well, good, because I'm not going to.
Kim: You probably hate me right now because I hate myself. But it was really good seeing you and and I thought I can do this on my own, but I can't. I'm alone and I'm terrified, and I have no right to ask you for this, but I could really use some help. Crap salad, I gotta go give another lecture. I just need forty minutes and... Please stay. Promise me that you'll just stay, and we can talk about this.
J.D.: Fine. But I'm not doing it for you.
Kim: Fair enough.

Bartender: I'm sorry sir, we don't have appletinis. But I could make you a peachtini.
J.D.: That's a little foofy for my taste. A beer is fine. With a pineapple wedge, please.

J.D.: I'm just so mad, I literally don't know what to say to her. [Old MC walks by] Don't you dare! Part of me wants to talk to her, part of me wants to-
Old MC: Bust a move?
J.D.: You have a problem, sir! Seek help!

Dr. Cox: Oh, say, Barbie, I'm gonna go ahead and ask you one more time. May I please, please, use your practice's SPECT camera?
Elliot: Sure, whatever.
Dr. Cox: That's great. 'cause I've actually already used it.
Elliot: I don't care. And don't worry about coming to my wedding, because there probably won't be one.
Dr. Cox: Look, I love it that after six years I can still mess with your head. It is both a testament to my commitment and a glaring statement about your mental fragility. But still, as much as it pains me to say it, there's nothing I did or said that had any real impact on your relationship with the future Mr. Barbie.
Elliot: Yeah, but I got all crazy and went off on him.
Dr. Cox: Of course you did, you're a woman. Sure, you do come with a little extra crazy, but what the heck, that's what makes you, you. Listen to me, Keith isn't going to care, he's not.
Elliot: Why are you being so nice to me?
[flashback:]
Jordan: Lay off The Stick or I'll wait till you're asleep and I will cheesegrate your nerps.
[present:]
Dr. Cox: Because sometimes I like to do nice things without being coerced.

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk was giving me the silent treatment because I had taken Old MC's advice over his. I had busted a move, and left.
Kim: Oh, no. I'm saving this for someone. He's should be here any minute.
J.D.: [v.o.] And yeah, I still have doubts about my decision.