Dr. Cox: Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! One of you minions spit out another question, will ya? Yo, Nervous Guy. Now, I don't care how many times your little prepubescent voice cracks. Hit me, baby!
Doug: Okay. What is the demyelinating CNS disorder associated with the JC virus?
Dr. Cox: [yawns] Progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy. Snore! Back to you, there, half-pint.
Dr. Casey: Yeah, short jokes are a sign of desperation, my friend.
Randall: Amen, brother.

Elliot: Uh, uh, uh, over here!
Dr. Casey: Uh, yes, blonde girl? You have yet another question?
Elliot: Um, what is the pathologic abnormality causing Bernard-Soulier disease?
Dr. Casey: Absence of von Willebrand receptors. [to Dr. Cox] Uh, listen, I hate to be childish about this, but I have to, uh "make". And for me that involves driving home and scrubbing the toilet seat several times with industrial-strength cleanser. So, if we could just call this a tie?

Dr. Cox: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ties are for sissies. Speaking of which, Newbie? You have been uncharacteristically quiet.
J.D.: [v.o.] I don't know why it popped into my head. But I knew I had him...
J.D.: My question is concerning metabolic diseases. [off Dr. Cox's panicked look] Oh, yes. What is the inborn error of metabolism characterized by angiokeratomas? Please?
Dr. Cox: Okay, first I think that we should we should go over the rules. Because, you see, if by some freak of nature I'm not able to answer a question, then old Kev-Kev here cannot be declared the winner unless he can provide the answer for said question. Otherwise we're just going back and forth, back an-
Dr. Casey: Fabry's Disease. Page 2,098 of Harrison's Guide to Internal Medicine. It's a fun game, but I-I, uh, I'll be back in 48 minutes.

Dr. Casey: Nice place. It's got that-that great vomit and peanut smell.
J.D.: Yeah, reminds me of my first girlfriend. She was a carnie.

J.D.: You know, I'm always trying to get Cox to come out and get a beer with me. He never does.
Dr. Casey: Hey, you're not one of those guys who carries around pictures of him and his attending, are you?
[flashback to J.D. polishing a picture of him and Dr. Cox:]
J.D.: Ah, perfect!
[present:]
J.D.: Well, I don't carry anything around.
Dr. Casey: Good. 'Cause you know, those-those losers who've been practicing medicine for three years but are still looking for some kind of mentor to pat 'em on the back are just pathetic, you know what I mean?
J.D.: Totally.
J.D.: [v.o.] Yep. It's funny what one person can do.

J.D.: [v.o.] None of us slept last night. How I know that is irrelevant. What does matter is I think we formed a special bond because of it.
Dr. Cox: Stop looking at me or die.
J.D.: [v.o.] What's worse is that the guy who caused it thinks we're his best friends.
Dr. Casey: Morning, fellas!
Dr. Cox: What do you say there, Kev.
Dr. Casey: All right, all six of your butt cheeks just, uh, tightened up. Someone around here pissing you guys off? 'cause I will give 'em some attitude.
J.D.: Uh, that guy.
Dr. Casey: Hey, Hair Club! That suit, that come with the flop sweat?

Carla: I just don't understand why this guy bothers him so much.
Jordan: Carla, Perry is a dysfunctional, unsuccessful, emotionally-damaged old man. No offense, sweetie.
Dr. Cox: None taken.
Jordan: Being the best doctor here is the only thing he had to hang his hat on.

Dr. Cox: Say, Kev-Kev? Would you love to come and join us?
Dr. Casey: Oh, thanks.
Carla: Um, what's up with the oatmeal today?
Dr. Cox: Too much milk.
Carla: No.
Dr. Casey: Not enough butter.
Carla: That's it!
Dr. Cox: Did you just diagnose the oatmeal? You can't just go and diagnose the oatmeal.
Jordan: He just did. Kevin, are you single?
Dr. Casey: Yeah. Why, are you?
Jordan: I'm thinking about it Heh.
Carla: Yeah, me too.
Dr. Cox: What- What in the hell just happened?

Elliot: Oh, my God. You can't even beat Dr. Kevin Casey's lap-chole time when you're imagining it.
Turk: So, I could be just as fast if I was like him and practiced over and over again on a simulator.
Elliot: Yeah but you don't.
Turk: Yeah, well I could spend my spare time doing stupid hand exercises.
Elliot: I know but you don't.
Turk: Yeah, well, I could.
Elliot: You don't.
Turk: But-
Elliot: Don't!

J.D.: Look, I did my psych rotation, okay? I know my father abandoning us and only showing up in my life when he needs a place to sleep or a free prostate exam is probably gonna be an issue. I get it. But it's not like I'm looking for a-a mentor. I just want a little validation. It's like when Kelso gave you a cupcake 'cause you went four days without killing a patient.
Doug: That was awesome.
J.D.: You know!
J.D.: [v.o.] I've always felt like Doug understood me. It's weird. After knowing him for three years I suddenly realized he was the type of mentor I always wished Dr. Cox would be... Wait!
J.D.: Doug, get the hell outta here!