Dr. Casey: It's okay, you can say it.
J.D.: [whispers] It's just that you're you're a doctor with pretty severe OCD.
Dr. Casey: It's not a secret.
J.D.: [whispers] know. I always talk like this.
Dr. Casey: You're gonna have a hard time keeping that up for the whole month I'm here.
J.D.: [whispers] I can do it.
Dr. Casey: [whispers] I believe in you!

Dr. Cox: Kevin Casey? Holy cow, get outta Dodge! Tell me this, are you- Are you shaking hands nowadays?
Dr. Casey: Well, a lifetime of therapy and a whole lot of Zoloft just so I can appropriately greet you, big guy. [shakes hands]
Dr. Cox: Atta boy.
Dr. Casey: I do have a two-second limit.
Dr. Cox: Boy, who doesn't. You realize I haven't laid eyes on you since we were residents together? And I'll tell you this, big Kev-o, I always knew I'd see ya again.

J.D.: Dr. Cox, I'm gonna take you out for a beer tonight. I want to hear all the stories about what my mentor was like as a Newbie.
Dr. Cox: Look, Pink, for the billionth time, no, I will not go out for a beer with you. Now repeat after me: Dr. Cox, you are not now, nor will you ever be, my mentor.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, you are not now, nor will you ever be, my mentor.
Dr. Cox: Yes!

J.D.: [v.o.] I have to say it was amazing watching Dr. Casey work.
Dr. Casey: All right, Carol, let's just put it out there. You've got Lupus. But instead of dwelling on the negative, let's look at the positive signs, okay? Your, uh, pericarditis is resolving, your renal function is good.
[A bird crashes into the window which Dr. Casey just cleaned]
J.D.: [screams]
Dr. Casey: Suicidal scavenger birds also an excellent sign, right Doctor?
J.D.: It's a great sign.
Dr. Casey: Okie-dokie, artichokie.

Dr. Casey: You know, I couldn't have survived in medicine if I didn't embrace my OCD. And since I was compulsive anyway, you know I- I read the same text books over and over. I, uh, I went through the procedures over and over. I imagined every worst-case scenario over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
J.D.: Dr. Casey.
Dr. Casey: and over and over and over.
J.D.: Dr. Casey!
Dr. Casey: Dr. Kevin Casey. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Even though my crazy brain made me do those things, it's still the best advice I can give to any young doctor: Expect the unexpected and you will never be surprised.

Turk: Dr. Wen, can I ask you a question? Was my time on the lap-chole even faster than yours?
Dr. Wen: Yes, it was. Because some of the guys were saying I totally kicked your ass and I wanted them to shut up, you know if it wasn't true, but since it is, I'll just let it go. [laughs; off Elliot's look] What?
Elliot: If there is one thing I've learned at this hospital, it's that you should never antagonize your boss or the people that make the food, because either way you end up eating poo. Hear it, learn it, live it.

Dr. Cox: You know, Carla, I gotta say your-your makeup today does not in any way make you look like a desperate bowling alley prostitute.
Carla: What's with the sweet talk?
Dr. Cox: Oh, maybe Kevin being here is making me regress. I mean, you realize that back when I was a resident, I was a kind lad.
Carla: You get out I know.
Dr. Cox: But soon enough I established myself as the best damn doctor that ever roamed around these filthy halls which is a curse, actually, because now I'm expected to make eye contact with every insult to medicine that comes into this dump.
J.D.: Here's that CT scan you ordered.
Dr. Cox: Thank you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Eye contact!

Dr. Cox: What the hell!? He's anemic and he has bone fractures, yet there's no sign of leukemia.
Carla: Don't tell me the Great One is stumped!
Dr. Cox: No. It's just that this is not exactly the kind of thing that you stick your head in on and figure out.
Dr. Casey: He's got Gaucher's disease.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
Dr. Casey: I took the liberty of testing his blood for deficiency of beta-glucosidase.
Dr. Cox: Oh, I just sent out for one of those.
Carla: No, you didn't!
Dr. Cox: Uh-shh!
Dr. Casey: Well, you know, I-I mean, I never would've have figured it out if you hadn't done the grunt work. You know, it's like a jar of pickles. You loosened the lid and - pop! - I took it off.

J.D.: [v.o.] Luckily for Kevin, he was getting the chance to meet everyone around here.
Todd: See, the reason the X-Box joke should work is that "X-Box" is like the perfect word for a girl's party zone.
Dr. Casey: Uh "The Todd", is it?
Todd: Oh, yeah.
Dr. Casey: Can you go make a very important phone call for me?
Todd: To who?
Dr. Casey: To anyone.

Doug: I'm sorry, J.D., I just don't think pirates are cool.
J.D.: Well then you're not cool, Doug!