Carla: It's so beautiful.
Turk: Yeah, well, I would have shown it to you before you left but I couldn't get to it. That is a long story.
Carla: Thank you for not pressuring me. I mean, don't get me wrong, you left me 40 messages in five days, but I know you. If you weren't holding back, it would be 140.
Turk: I do love the speed dial. So, you got an answer yet?

J.D.: Hey, Kev.
Kevin: Hey, Alfalfa! What's the happy-haps?
J.D.: That depends. What's a happy-hap?

J.D.: Look, I know you're laboring over this proposal so I thought I'd sweeten the pot by telling you I have a killer best man's toast.
Carla: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to rush the biggest decision of my life so I can hear you say, "When I first met Chris Turk, I knew this was a guy I could party with forever. Yeah!"
J.D.: Please.
J.D.: [v.o.] She's psychic.

Turk: How's that great marriage of yours?
Kevin: Over.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, no.
Turk: Say what?
Kevin: I couldn't take it any more. I had to get the hell out of there.
Carla: Get the hell out of there?
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God. Do something to change the subject. Anything.
J.D.: Everybody, soda-chugging contest! [long belch] Excuse me.
Kevin: When did you have the fajitas?

J.D.: Sir, can I call you Townsie?
Dr. Townshend: No.
J.D.: [v.o.] I was having a great time working with Townsie.

Carla: Do you really think he wants to get married?
Dr. Cox: Listen, any guy who'd be willing to scour the face of the earth to find the world's smallest diamond ring clearly knows just exactly what he wants.
Carla: I just don't know if he's mature enough. I mean, he couldn't stop giggling when he found out he had to operate on Mr. Wiener.
Dr. Cox: [laughs] It's a funny name.
Carla: Stop it.
Dr. Cox: Look, the guy is 27 years old, he's a surgeon, currently involved in a long-term, monogamous relationship. As much as I'd love to trash him, I'm afraid I'm not down with the whole maturity thing.

Dr. Cox: All righty there, Dr. Leverage, listen up because here's the real inside scoop. I could literally sculpt a gigantic Mr. Burnett out of what I just removed from Mr. Burnett, so I really think it's in your interest for you to start talking. Should I get the child a baseball glove or a tutu?
Elliot: Girls can play baseball, too.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what girls can do. You've come a long way, baby. Spill, doll.
Elliot: I really think you should think about this, so I wrote it down and I put it in an envelope and then I gave it to her.
Jordan: Hi, honey.
Dr. Cox: Oh, you are just so going to pay for this.
Elliot: Yeah, well, so are you.
Jordan: Bend over, baby.

Dr. Kelso: I think Mr. Singer's gonna be just fine.
Dr. Townshend: Oh, jeez, Bob, don't creep up on me like that. I almost dropped some fruit in my looms.
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry, buddy.

Turk: So, you want to talk about what happened?
Kevin: No, man, look, it's just too depressing.
Turk: You're in a bad place, but you'll get through it. Give it time.
Kevin: What am I supposed to do until then?
Turk: Barkeep, I'm going to need these two glasses and that bottle of whiskey. Excuse me, my brother definitely needs to borrow your hat. And for the love of all that is holy, would somebody please put on some country?

Jordan: We are a horrible couple.
Dr. Cox: You couldn't be more wrong. Because even though that isn't my kid in there, I still want to feel connected and I just thought I'd be more hooked in if I knew.
Jordan: It's funny. Every time I think you're the same old, sharp-edged jackass, you turn around and do something to remind me that you're such a pansy! Listen. I was really hoping that the two of us could find out when the baby comes. But if you really need to know now, just keep it to yourself.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, run away there, missy, 'cause guilt trips don't work on old Perrerino.