J.D.: [v.o.] Unfortunately, our new residency director felt a little differently.
Dr. Cox: Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. And, oh my goodness, if we don't have somebody here that we might be able to help. Miss Bartow is thirty-six, she is septic, and she is in respiratory failure. Dr. Weiss, I want you to draw three sets of surveillance cultures. Mr. Murphy-
Doug: Dr. Murphy?
Dr. Cox: [whines and makes a wavering hand gesture] Just go ahead and get a steady BG. We are going to try to wean her off of the vent today, so I want all of you people to give her most of your attention.
J.D.: I say we listen to Dr. Cox, and do exactly what he says.
Dr. Cox: That's unbelievable.

J.D.: [v.o.] My God, is there a sexier woman in the world?
Elliot: Mm. I gotta go. My chin hair is back.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, I wish she'd cut it off and give it to me.

J.D.: Oh, God.
Danni: I don't mind it at the movies, sitting alone. But eating alone is sad and pathetic.
J.D.: Are you stalking me?
Danni: No. My sister just had a baby, so I'm doing the whole aunt thing. Plus, it's a really great excuse to run away from a relationship. My boyfriend just dumped me, so of course now I love him more than ever.
J.D.: So, is there any chance of you guys getting back together?
Danni: Well, he's engaged, and he's getting married in two weeks... But, yeah, I think so. Unrequited love sucks, you know.

J.D.: Danni, we need to move on, okay? No more thinking about our exes. No more waiting for the phone to ring. No more stealing her purse just so you can return it later in the hopes that she'll be so grateful, she'll use the money recovered to buy you a drink and maybe have sex with you after.
Danni: Did that work?
J.D.: I stole the wrong purse. And, yes!

Dr. Cox: Miss Bartow's systemic vascular resistance is falling, so the next couple hours are gonna be crucial, okay?
J.D.: Perry, the fact that these residents are spending most of their time buzzing around that one patient makes me think that you told them to disobey a direct order from me.
Dr. Cox: Bob Kelso, that's just not true. Here, I told them to disregard all direct orders from you.

J.D.: [v.o.] Once the dynamic of a relationship is established, it rarely changes.
Turk: Queso?
Marco: [Spanish: "Man, I am so sick of you."]
Turk: I'm sorry, but [loudly] I can't understand you!
Marco: Yeah? Well, that talking slower and louder thing is not as helpful as you might think. Geez! Can you believe this guy?
Janitor: [Spanish: "Don't get me started."]

J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, if the dynamic does change, it's never as simple as you'd hope.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Newbie, listen, I got dinner plans with Jordan, and seeing as you're on-call, whatta you say you pull up a chair, here, in front of Miss Bartow?
J.D.: [v.o.] Especially when it involves someone who's used to you following their lead.
J.D.: Look, Dr. Cox, I'll take care of her, and I'll have my interns help, but you gotta know I have other patients, too, so.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you didn't understand me, there, Violet. I don't want you leaving her side, even if someone thinks they saw Justin Timberlake downstairs. Now, dammit all, are you falling in line with me or not?
J.D.: I don't think so.
Dr. Cox: Okay, then.

J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, God, if Jordan knew I was the reason Dr. Cox canceled dinner tonight, she'd give me the stink-eye and then twist my nurples off. Calm down, tiger. She doesn't know. She knows! She knows! [covers nipples]
J.D.: Don't worry, guys. I'd never let her hurt you.

Turk: Baby, there you are. He speaks English!
Carla: Who?
Turk: Your brother, he speaks English. Yo, tell her you speak English!
Marco: Que?
Turk: Don't "que" my- "Que," my ass! "Que," my ass! You were there, and you saw the whole thing. Now you tell her.
Janitor: I don't know what you're talking about.
Carla: Turk, I would know if my own brother speaks English. [Spanish: "Let's go, Marco."]

Elliot: J.D., you know all those pictures of us from when we were going out? Do you still have those?
J.D.: [v.o.] Filed alphabetically in my "Elliot Cabinet".
J.D.: I don't know. I might. Why?
Elliot: Well, you know the picture of us at the beach, where I actually look good and you think that you look like Bjork?
J.D.: Yeah.
Elliot: Well, I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I cut you out of it, and used it in a collage that I'm making for Sean?
J.D.: No problem.