J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Dr. Cox: Newbie, maybe I wasn't clear enough with you on Miss Bartow over there.
J.D.: Here it comes. I'm incompetent. I'm a girl. I'm a little girl. I'm a little girl with pigtails that rides a tricycle.
Dr. Cox: No. Well... yes, but I am honestly trying to tell you that I don't think I was being clear with you before. In fact, I think I was being a pretty lousy teacher. Look, I think putting one in the "win" column every now and then is what gives us the juice to keep plugging along in games that we know deep down we're not gonna win. And that's why I locked in so intensely to that patient. Because opportunities, they... God, they come along so rarely in this place. And when they do, you just can't let them slip through your fingers. You cannot, you know?

Dr. Kelso: You're losing them. Oh, don't get me wrong, you had me worried there was gonna be a bunch of young Dr. Coxes roaming the halls, calling me "Bobbo", shaving my genitals when I pass out at the Christmas party.
Dr. Cox: Tradition is tradition, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah. Then I remembered that you've been here over ten years, and there's not a single disciple of yours to be found. And you know why?
Dr. Cox: You told 'em this exact same story and bored 'em to death?
Dr. Kelso: [both laugh] No. It's because eventually they all start questioning the gospel according to Cox, and you can't handle that. Can you?