Leslie Knope: Do you have that picture that Andy took? Maybe I'll run it without any text.
April: Yeah. I tried to Photoshop it to make it look like they were happy. It was really hard. Their mouths are just so old.
Leslie Knope: God, look at these horrible men. You know, I don't even know if I want them in my catalog.
April: Would you like... these men in your catalog?
Leslie Knope: Oh, my god, April. That's disgusting.
April: What? Look how generous they're being with each other.

Leslie Knope: No, you know what the worst part is, is I want to be Parks Director, but every single person who was Parks Director hated their job and hated everyone they worked with. [sighs] Are we gonna hate each other someday?
Ron Swanson: I don't think so.
Leslie Knope: Huh.
Ron Swanson: I think we're gonna be fine.
Leslie Knope: Anyway, the point's moot, because you're Park Director now, and you're not going anywhere, and I'm not making you go anywhere. I'm not gonna stab you in the back or anything, so... Maybe I should go somewhere. Maybe I should move to Eagleton. Oh, god, the thought of that.
Ron Swanson: Leslie, you don't have to move to Eagleton. When I become city manager, my job is yours.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: Of course, my first act as city manager will be to propose eliminating the Parks Department, although I expect a spirited debate with Leslie.

Ron Swanson: Good morning.
Tom: Whoo! Swiss family Ron-binson- that hat is dope.
Ron Swanson: Thanks, Tom.
Tom: You mind if I rock that Bad Larry on my dome? Wear it, on my head? Try it on the ladies?
Ron Swanson: Be my guest.
[montage:]
Tom: Hi. I'm Tom. I have a raccoon on my head.
Tom: Uh... Excuse me, my friend over here was digging through your trash, and I think we may have a lot in common. I'm Tom. Would you like to see a movie sometime?
Tom: Are you a raccoon? Because you've been running around my hat all da- Head all day.

Tom: Girl, you're more precious than precious.
Donna: Uh-uh.
Tom: Nice hat. Want to bone? That's you talking to me.
Donna: No. How about... "Yes, I am a hunter, and it's you season"?
Tom: Whoa! That's great. I got to get back out there.

[montage:]
Tom: You know what they say-- Animal on the head, Manimal in the bed.
Tom: Damn, girl, your hotness killed my raccoon.
Tom: I have a raccoon hat. I'm an interesting person. Hello.

Leslie Knope: I'm gonna move this yearning ad to the centerfold.
Tom: Centerfold? Always the best part. Am I right, Justin? Damn. You broke up six weeks ago.

Tom: Next slide. Oh, God. Weird. How did that...? Um, that's a personal photo. That's-- Shouldn't be-- It must've... You know, I got to say, I think that could actually work as our cover photo. I'm cool with it if you guys are. It's a high-res photo.
Leslie Knope: I don't know if I have time for this, guys, so let's just pick a good photo, okay?
Tom: What do you want, Leslie? A picture of parents pushing a kid on a swing?
Leslie Knope: Yeah, exactly. Get me that.
Leslie Knope: Okay, I got to go.
Tom: What is he thinking?
April: "Why is my cup so tiny?"

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I love parks. I don't know if that's something I've communicated before. So having a picnic with all the former, living parks department directors... Guess who just checked something off her bucket list.

Leslie Knope: Okay, Clarence, um, why don't you describe the first summer Pawnee catalog?
Clarence Carrington: Oh, I remember. That first year, we offered four classes. I actually taught homemaking. Women were not allowed to teach back then.
Leslie Knope: Really? I thought there were female teachers way before then.
Clarence Carrington: Not my department.
Leslie Knope: Well, times have changed. I'm-- I'm deputy director now, but I'm hoping someday to be the first female director of the department.
Clarence Carrington: Oh, I don't think that's a good idea. Women, uh, need a lot of blood to- to flow through to- to their baby centerss, which leaves less to the brain, you see.
Leslie Knope: Yep. Mm-hmm. Sure.
Clarence Carrington: I'd stay away from leadership roles, uh, for your own safety. [pats Leslie's head]

Andy: Hey, maybe I should write a song about a picnic.
April: Ooh, where'd you come up with that idea?
Andy: The picnic we're having. I already have the perfect title. "Life is a Picnic."
April: That's good. How about "Life is a Picnic...With You"?
Andy: Whoa. Then it could be about a girl... Or Peyton Manning.