Chris: O-M-G. Leslie, I read that same article... "The History of the Ladder." It's utterly fascinating. Ben, you're gonna love this.
Ben: Really?
Chris: Do you know that the original image of a ladder is in a cave in Valencia, Spain, drawn over 10,000 years ago.
Ben: Oh, my God. How about some music? [banjo music plays]
Chris: That's amazing. What is this? [scatting]

April: This question is gross.
Tom: That's kind of the point. What's your answer?
April: In our bed, I guess.
Tom: Andy? Where's your boo's favorite place to smush?
Andy: At the Neutral Milk Hotel. [canned audience "Awws"]
April: Get over it.
Andy: No, you get over it. You like some other dude's band more than me. Do you even think that Mouse Rat is the greatest band in the world? 'Cause it's starting to not feel that way.
April: That band is really important to me, and, honestly, I've asked you to listen to them, like, a million times, and you never have, so...
Andy: 'cause their music is sad, and depressing, and weird. And art is supposed to be happy and fun, and everyone knows that. You know what? Whatever. Forget it. [audience groans]
April: Fine, forget it.
Tom: Damn! This game's got juice.

Ben: Hey, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Hey.
Ben: Thank you for that year-over-year cost analysis. That was really helpful.
Leslie Knope: You're so welcome. I was thinking about you when I wrote it. 'Cause I was, um...
Ben: 'Cause I told you I wanted to read it?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ben: That's a good reason.

Ben: Anyway, Chris wants to see us in his office.
Leslie Knope: I guess we should head over there.
Ben: All right.
Leslie Knope: All right.
Ben: All right, cool.
Leslie Knope: Great.
Ben: See you there.
Leslie Knope: I'll see you there, Benjamin. Ben.
Ben: All right, "Lesliemin." Leslie.
Ann: Hi, Ben.
Ben: [startled] Oh, hey, Ann.

Leslie Knope: I need, like, a sweat suit or something. I need to send out a signal that nothing is gonna happen.
Ann: Oh, this is insane. It's so obvious you're dying to be together. And now you're going on a road trip? I mean, you guys could literally "get a room."
Leslie Knope: Yeah, and I could literally get a-fired.

Tom: [sings] Ba na na na na na na na na na [talks] It's time to know ya... I don't have the instrumental backing track yet, but it's gonna say "boo" right there. [canned applause plays] Hey, everybody! Welcome to Know Ya Boo. I'm your host, Tom Haverford, and with me as always is my CGI puppy co-host, Bobby the boo! Woof, woof, hey, everybody! All right, let's get to it. First question. Fellas, which rock star would your lady bang if she could bang one rock star? Jerry!
Jerry: I believe I have heard Donna talk about Prince a lot.
Tom: What'd your boo say?
[Donna turns over a card saying "Prince"]
Tom: Impressive! All right, Andy, which rock star would your lady get with?
Andy: Um, this is almost too easy... me!
Tom: Let's check in with ya boo!
[April turns over a card reading "Jeff Mangum"]
Andy: Yay!
Tom: Oh! [canned audience groan] Sorry.

Andy: Who is Jeff Mangum?
April: The guy from Neutral Milk Hotel.
Andy: Oh! Oh. Neutral Milk Hotel. What is that?
April: That's my favorite band. I've told you that, like, a thousand times.
Andy: I don't remember. Why wouldn't you pick me?
April: I don't know. You're not technically a rock star. [audience gasps]
Tom: Booyah! Somebody don't know their boo! That's the sound bite that's gonna play when a fight breaks out.

Leslie Knope: Did you see this? According to their rules, we may not have enough hotel rooms within city limits.
Ben: I know. It's a silly rule. But maybe they'll be reasonable and not care.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, maybe we could just point out to them there are tons of hotel rooms just outside city limits.
Ben: Uh-huh.
Leslie Knope: Have you been to the Grandville Hotel and Spa?
Ben: Uh-uh.
Leslie Knope: They have the softest towels.
Ben: Oh, I gotta tell ya. I love a nice towel in my life.
Leslie Knope: Me too. I know.
Ben: It's... I mean, it's the simplest luxury, but it makes all the difference.
Leslie Knope: Their bath mats are amazing. It's like stepping on a lamb. [both laugh]

Ben: Oh, hold on. Hey, come here. You've got an eyelash on your face. I got it. Make a wish.
Male Voice: [on radio] Learning to speak Mandarin. Unit three...
Leslie Knope: Get away from me.
Ben: Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Leslie Knope: Um... Um... I'm allergic to fingers.
Male Voice: Where are you going? [speaks Mandarin]
Leslie Knope: Maybe we should just not talk to each other for the rest of the trip, and I'm just gonna concentrate on the presentation.
Ben: Okay.
Male Voice: This is my little brother. [speaks Mandarin]

Julie: Muncie is larger. Bloomington is more central. What's the advantage of doing it in Pawnee?
Ben: The advantage is that it's a wonderful city. I mean, look, I've been to 40 some odd towns in Indiana, and Pawnee is special. I mean, the people are passionate and kind. They love their city. They take pride in their work. It's a very, very special place.