Leslie Knope: Partridge Okay, move a little bit to your left and then turn to the side. Okay, and freeze. That is the exact spot where an 18-year-old Ben Wyatt was inaugurated as mayor of Partridge, Minnesota.
Ben: Oh, well, thank you very much. Yes, congratulations to you. I don't know.
Leslie Knope: I have chills.
Ben: Can't believe they're finally giving me the key to the city.
Leslie Knope: I can't believe it took so long. They gave the key to every other mayor in the town's history, and I guarantee that none of them had as cute a butt as you do.
Ben: And none of them caused the city's unemployment rate to hit 30%.
Leslie Knope: You're so sexy when you talk about percentages.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] When Ben was mayor, he sunk all of the town's money into a winter sports complex called "Ice Town," and they went bankrupt. Now they've invited him back as a gesture of goodwill, and he'll finally get some closure on this miserable chapter in his life. Yay, Ben! Town hero!
Ben: Yes!
Leslie Knope: Whoo!

Chris: Okay, are you done? Are we done? Did we win?
Ann: You can't win this.
Chris: You can win at anything. Last year I won an organic gardening contest.
Donna: Who were you competing against?
Chris: My own taste buds.

Ann: [aside to camera] I wanna have a baby, and Chris has agreed to be the father. My fertility counselor showed me this online quiz that determines whether we'd be compatible parents. If this were the '80s, all we'd have to do is, like, not drop an egg for a whole day. Stupid Internet.

Ann: Okay, our official co-parenting score is... 58% compatibility. Not amazing.
Chris: Oh, I think it's fantastic. I think it's literally the best score we could have hoped for.
Ann: Not sure that that's true.

Jerry: Guys, I couldn't resist. I did it too. Ann and I got 84%.
Ann: Well, this sucks.
Chris: Yes, we did not win.

Leslie Knope: So was, like, Ben a bossy older brother? Did he make you watch Star Wars movies?
Stephanie Wyatt: Make me? I loved those movies just as much as he did.
Leslie Knope: That's so cute.
Stephanie Wyatt: Oh, you do a lot of hugging.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, get used to it. We're sisters now. [chuckles]

Leslie Knope: Now that you're both here, let's get started. Just have a few questions.
Stephanie Wyatt: You have a binder?
Leslie Knope: That's right. Who were Ben's high school girlfriends, and what base do you think he got to?
Stephanie Wyatt: Um...
Ben: What's that?

Paul: And what exactly did you witness?
Andy: Defendant, alias Ron Swanson, alias my boss, used appropriate force to prevent further damage to the wedding of Leslie Knope, alias my other boss.
Paul: You sound as if you have a special interest in law enforcement.
Andy: Yes, sir. In fact, at the time, I was trying to become a police officer but was deemed unfit for the force.
Paul: And what happened?
Andy: Don't know. Well, I pooched the brain exam. Just to be safe, I wouldn't take anything I say too seriously. Next witness, your honor.

Ben: Despite everything that happened 20 years ago, this will always be my hometown. Are you crying again?
Leslie Knope: It's just every time you say that speech, I think about where you've been and where you're going and our future children and America and just our history as a nation.
Stephanie Wyatt: Wow, I didn't think about all that, but I thought it was good.
Ben: Thanks, Steph.