Season 5, Episode 17 - Aired April 4, 2013
Leslie and Ben visit his hometown of Partridge, Minnesota, where he will be presented with a key to the city. Meanwhile, Councilman Jamm sues Ron for assault, and Ann and Chris wonder if they're compatible as parents.
Quote from Ann
Dr. Van Dyne: Okay, I'm sorry, are you guys complete strangers? Is this one of those Craigslist father situations?
Chris: No, no, no. We actually know each other quite well.
Ann: Yeah, we used to date actually, but it didn't work out because we had some compatibility issues.
Dr. Van Dyne: You know what, why don't we just try one more compatibility test?
Chris: Great, let's do it!
Ann: No, let's not.
Quote from Ben
Leslie Knope: Let me start by apologizing, Mayor Stice. I had no right to disparage your town.
Mayor Stice: Well, I owe you guys an apology too. I, uh, had a little bad publicity lately, and frankly, it's still really easy to score points by bashing Wyatt.
Leslie Knope: Can't you just give Ben a key to the city, here, now, in your office, where no one will know your shame? Sorry, babe.
Ben: No worries. I love you.
Leslie Knope: Aw.
Mayor Stice: You know, if people found out I gave Wyatt the key to the city, I would never get re-elected. So... no. What are you doing there, Wyatt?
Ben: I'm feeding your eagle. He's starving.
Leslie Knope: It's... it's bronze, babe.
Leslie Knope: The eagle. We should go.
Quote from Chris
Chris: Ann Perkins. I know it didn't seem to go very well at the counselor's. But I have found a new quiz, and I think we should take it.
Ann: Are you sure? Everything we do makes it seem like it's a bad idea for us to have a kid together. Maybe we shouldn't even be friends.
Chris: Take a look.
Ann: "Will you love our child and work hard to see that he or she has a good life?"
Chris: You see, I think that's the only question that matters. All the rest of it is details.
Ann: Yes. The answer is yes.
Chris: I said the exact same thing. We're 100% on the same page.
Quote from Tom
April: Game's over, councilman. Drop the suit.
Councilman Jamm: And why exactly would I do that?
Tom: We took a look at your affidavit. We cross-referenced it with telephone records and eyewitness accounts, and, uh-oh, we found 11 lies.
Andy: Lying under oath is called perjury, and they should know, they did it yesterday.
Councilman Jamm: Well, I mean, maybe I accidentally said something that wasn't-- Let me see that.
Tom: Ow! My wrist! You twisted my arm like a maniac! Oh, no!
April: You monster.
Tom: Ow! You assaulted me, and I'm injured!
Andy: Oh, my God, Tom, are you okay?
Councilman Jamm: All right, you know what, I see what you're doing. I barely touched you.
April: That's not what I saw.
Tom: My face! Is my face still there? What happened to my knees?
Andy: Someone please tell me if Tom is okay.
Tom: Jamm, I'm gonna sue you.
Councilman Jamm: Okay, fine. Hey, listen, keep your mouths shut about the affidavit, I'll drop the suit, okay?
April: Hurry, Tom, let's get you into surgery!
Quote from Ben
Leslie Knope: I got you something.
Ben: No way.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ben: Where did you get that?
Leslie Knope: I stole it from Mayor Stice's office. Screw that guy. You should have it.
Ben: You're the best wife in the world. But I don't want this.
Leslie Knope: Really?
Ben: Yeah, I mean, I love Partridge, but I have Pawnee now. And I have you.
Leslie Knope: Well, I'm not giving it back to Stice. That guy sucks.