Ben: So, doctor, um, what do we... Like, what do we do? Like, what do we do? Um, how do we... How... How... How... How... What do we do?
Dr. Saperstein: The first thing you do is, you forget everything that I said before because you, young lady, need a lot of rest and especially avoiding stress. Leslie, I need you to be Buddha on quaaludes, and, Ben, you are Matthew McConaughey in a hammock on the beach.
Ben: All right, all right. All right.

Ron Swanson: Congratulations. I'm sure you will both raise a wonderful child with whom I will profoundly disagree on nearly everything.
Ben: Well, actually, and this is crazy, but it's children, plural. We're having triplets, and...
Donna: Shut the--
Jerry: Oh, my God!
Ben: A little freaked out about it.
April: That's amazing. Babe, I am so glad you didn't tell me.
Andy: I know. I'm incredible.

Donna: You wanted to see me?
Ron Swanson: Yes. I need to ask you for a... favor.
Donna: [shouts] What? Ron Swanson asking for help?
Ron Swanson: Keep your voice down, woman! [closes door with remote] Part of the unity concert is a youth revue about the history of Pawnee. They require volunteers, so I want you to come with me to my daughters'... public elementary school to help make costumes.

Donna: The elementary school. I'll do you this solid, but you're gonna have to keep an eye out for my ex-boyfriend Joe. He teaches music at that school, and he is a nightmare. He's my Tammy.
Ron Swanson: Your Tammy? Donna, my two ex-wives are the worst people in the world. Tammy Two once seduced a coroner and had me declared legally dead just so she could get a discount on a plane ticket.
Donna: When I'm with Joe, he turns me into a person I don't like or recognize. I go insane. All I'm asking is for you to keep him away from me.
Ron Swanson: I understand this problem well and agree to this exchange of services.

Leslie Knope: We need to raise a minimum of $30,000 from the auction, or else the concert's gonna be in trouble. What else can we auction off? What about those fish? Think they're valuable? Cover me.

Leslie Knope: Babe, I cannot slow down. The concert is in three weeks. Look, I feel fine, and if you're worried, we can just ask Dr. Saperstein what he thinks.
Dr. Saperstein: Someone say "Saperstein"? Come on, you two. Let's saddle you up and put some jelly on the belly.
Leslie Knope: He's a little weird.

Craig: Look at me!
Andy: Jeez.
Craig: Okay, here's what's happening. I want to auction off a personalized Johnny Karate song tomorrow, so I need you to come to the auction.
Andy: [sighs] Auction? Okay, yeah. Let me write that down.

April: Andy, you already have three Johnny Karate shows tomorrow.
Andy: No, not according to my file here. Oh, I forgot, other hand. Crap.
April: Okay, we need a better system. Look, I'll just write down an itinerary for you, so you can just focus on songs.
Andy: Okay, well, you have to catalog all this stuff. I mean, this is hours' worth of work.
April: What is that? "Don't tell secret"?
Andy: Oh, no, that's not one.
April: Andy, if you have a secret, you have to tell me. That's the whole point of marriage. You get twice the secrets.
Andy: Dude, it is nothing. I don't have anything. I'm not acting weird. You're acting weird. Excuse me. I have to get back to work now. [lifts shirt over head]

Donna: That's Joe, 12:00.
Joe: Donna, how are you? It's really nice to see you. Thank you so much for helping out. These kids are so lucky to have your fashion expertise.
Ron Swanson: Hello, Joe. My name is Ron Swanson. I am Donna's work-proximity associate.
Joe: Oh, my gosh, Donna has told me so much about you. It's nice to put a face to the name.
Ron Swanson: Mm-hmm.
Joe: Well, I gotta get back to my classroom. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ron. And if either of you guys need anything at all today, please do not hesitate to ask, okay?
Ron Swanson: I'm onto you, friend.
Joe: What?
Ron Swanson: Tread lightly.
Joe: Okay.

Leslie Knope: Now, Ben wants me to slow down, but I have this huge project coming up, and slowing down isn't really my jam.
Dr. Saperstein: Your body is going through some changes, but you're a healthy gal, right, Leslie? There is no reason for you not to be yourself.
Leslie Knope: [laughs] I win.
Ben: It wasn't a competition.