Jean-Ralphio: You gotta join the company. I'm the bank. You're the money.
Tom: I know, J, but it'd be a big leap.
Jean-Ralphio: And I will take that leap with you. I'm Thelma, you're Louise. You can't die full of regret. Why don't you live your life like that cow from the video?
Tom: He was a horse.
Jean-Ralphio: Yeah. Because he followed his dreams.

Detlef Schrempf: So, Tom, what does this business do, again?
Tom: It's a multimedia entertainment production conglomerate.
Detlef Schrempf: I don't know, man. You have a lot of overhead here. Ever thought about scaling back a bit and focusing on building your client base?
Tom: [laughs] Thanks a lot, Forbes magazine. But we didn't hire you to give us business advice. We hired you to look pretty and shoot baskets. So why don't you head over there and do your thing? We want people to see you when they come in, Detlef.
[aside to camera:]
Jean-Ralphio: We may not have any clients yet, but we're about to blow up.
Tom: First you set up the pond, then you reel in the fish.
Jean-Ralphio: Big D, hit me! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Come on.
Tom: We're living the dream.

Ann: Look, you guys are totally welcome to use my office, just don't do anything on my desk.
Ben: Oh, we don't... You know. We just like to work in the same place, and then we talk and hold hands.
Ann: Yuck, that's somehow worse.
Ben: Yeah, it sounded bad when I said it.

Leslie Knope: So maintenance is gonna set up the stage. Ron will be laying the ceremonial wreath.
Jerry: Leslie, there's a 13th century Italian poem by Dante Alighieri that would be very appropriate.
Leslie Knope: Oh, Jerry, that sounds wonderful. Okay, Andy, I need you to write a memorial song. Something like Candle in the Wind, but 5,000 times better.
Andy: Easy.
April: Hey, if you want a song from Andy Dwyer, lead singer of Mouse Rat, you should know he doesn't get out of bed for less than $1,000.
Leslie Knope: Well, he sleeps on a futon, so we can give him 50 bucks.
April: Sold.

Ben: Okay, all the permits cleared for the... horse funeral.
Ron Swanson: What was that tone?
Ben: What? Oh, nothing. I'm very sad about this.

Chris: Hi, Ann Perkins.
Ann: Hi. How are you?
Chris: I'm dying.
Ann: What?
Chris: Tendonitis.
Ann: Oh. I don't know if you should lead with "I'm dying."
Chris: You're right, you're right. So. What's up with you?
Ann: I'm just helping Leslie plan Li'I Sebastian's memorial service.
Chris: Li'I Sebastian died? That's terrible.
Ann: Yeah, well, he was old, and he had a lot of ailments.
Chris: Like tendonitis?
Ann: I don't know. I don't have his chart in front of me.
Chris: Could you get it?
Ann: What? No... There's no chart.
Chris: Oh, my God. Death is inescapable. Goodbye, Ann Perkins.

Leslie Knope: Okay, so I'm meeting him in a few minutes. How do I look?
Ann: What are you going for?
Leslie Knope: Sophisticated with a hint of slutty.
Ann: Bulls-eye.

Leslie Knope: Enough about me. How's Ann?
Ann: I'm pretty happy right now, generally. Although I did see Chris today. He always just throws me off.
Leslie Knope: I don't want to talk about Chris. Every time I hear his name, I think about the fact that he's gonna find out about me and Ben, and he's gonna fire both of us. And about how much he hurt you.
Ann: Yeah, there you go.

Ron Swanson: Hello, Leslie. How long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Leslie Knope: So the only people that know are my mom, Ann, and Ron. And they're not gonna say anything.
Ben: Right. Just no more fooling around at work.
Leslie Knope: [groans] Okay, yeah. We can't.
Ben: Well, I mean, you know, a situation could arise where you do something good, and I congratulate you. Like, with a professional hug. You know, kind of like this, "Oh, congratulations."
Leslie Knope: That feels appropriate.
Ben: Yeah.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I mean, I think we can get away with that as long as we don't do stuff like this. [they kiss]
George: Hey, lovebirds. What do I do with this?
Leslie Knope: You can just leave it there.
George: Okay.
Leslie Knope: So my mom, Ron, Ann, and that guy.