Chris: Ann. So glad I found you. Can I talk to you for a minute?
Ann: Um, okay.
Chris: [exhales deeply] I need to ask you a question, and if you're uncomfortable answering it right now, you can take some time and think about it. That would be okay.
Ann: Okay.
Chris: Is tendonitis symptomatic of something larger?
Ann: Really, that's the question you wanted to ask me?
Chris: I'm just very worried. I'm not sure that this doctor's been properly trained.
Ann: You know what, Chris? I'm sorry, but I'm not your nurse, and I'm not your girlfriend and... I thought I was twice, and I was wrong, which was embarrassing. I'm just not ready to be your friend.
Chris: Of course. I'm sorry. I do hope we can be friends before I die.

Ben: Hey, you know what? We'll cover your duties here. You should just take the rest of the day off.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that's a good idea. You should do that and you should get a massage. I have a gift certificate, actually. My mom gave it to me for you.
Ben: Oh, my God.
Leslie Knope: Yes!
Ben: That's so nice.
George: Okay. Well, thanks.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. And thank you for your discretion.
George: You got it.
Ben: It was great to see you, George.

Ben: Hey, why is Perd Hapley unveiling the memorial stone?
Leslie Knope: Because Joe from sewage had to hand out the armbands, and Perd had to fill in for Mortenson, and Mortenson had to fill in for Howser.
Ben: Okay, well, why couldn't Donna do it?
Leslie Knope: Because Donna's reading Jerry's Italian poem.
Donna: [speaking Italian with a strong American accent]
Leslie Knope: This is sort of a mess.

Leslie Knope: Ron Swanson loves his facial hair. And we burned it off. This thing that we're doing, it's unsustainable.
Ben: What, you want to break up?
Leslie Knope: What? No. I like you.
Ben: Well, then... You want to tell Chris.
Leslie Knope: What? No. I like my job.
Ben: Well, then, what do we do?
Leslie Knope: Okay, operation shutdown. No more secret hand-holding. No more smooching in Ann's office. In fact, when we're at work, we just shouldn't talk to each other at all.
Ben: Okay, well, that's gonna be really hard, and we could still get fired.
Leslie Knope: I know. But it's worth the risk if I can be with you.
Ben: All right. Well, then, I'm in. [goes into kiss Leslie]
Leslie Knope: What are you doing? Are you kidding me?
Ben: I'm sorry. No, it's force of habit.

Tammy Two: Hey, Glenn. Wanna dance?
Tom: No, I'm okay.
Tammy Two: Just one dance?
Tom: No.
Tammy Two: With mommy?

Ann: You know, tendonitis is usually caused by overuse. Have you been working out more than usual?
Chris: I did do 10,000 push-ups last week.
Ann: Oh, really. That might have something to do with it. You need to relax. You're in great shape.
Chris: For a 44-year-old.
Ann: Yeah. That's how old you are, man.
Chris: You're right. I've been overreacting. I don't like thinking about death. Death is the opposite of...
Ann: Being alive?
Chris: Exactly. Look at us. Talking like friends.
Ann: Yeah. What the hell. Friends.
Chris: Ann Perkins.
Ann: Chris Traeger.

Andy: April, I need to ask you something, and it's the biggest thing I've ever asked anybody in my entire life.
April: Honey, we're already married.
Andy: No, this is way more important than that. April Ludgate, would you be my manager?
April: Seriously? Okay. Yeah.

Elizabeth: We really enjoyed the service. That fireball was truly amazing.
Leslie Knope: I'm glad. 'Cause it was planned.
William Barnes: And you were also responsible for the Harvest Festival, correct?
Leslie Knope: Well, a lot of people contributed to that.
William Barnes: You don't have to be modest. We know it was you. You did an amazing job.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.
William Barnes: We are part of a group that tries to identify potential candidates for political office here in town. And we think that you might fit the bill.
Leslie Knope: Oh. Wow. Which office in particular?
Elizabeth: Well, there are a couple city council seats we think are vulnerable. And the mayor's term is up next year.
Leslie Knope: [chuckles nervously]
William Barnes: All we need to know right now is are you theoretically interested in running for office?
Leslie Knope: Absotootly, I am. Very sorry that I just used that word. But yes. I just... I've dreamed about this moment for a long time.

Leslie Knope: Would I have to quit my job?
William Barnes: Well, that's a long way off.
Leslie Knope: Of course.
William Barnes: But listen. When you run, even in a local election, your life becomes an open book. So if you so much as stiff a waiter on his tip or use a government stamp for personal mail, it will come out. So before we go any further, I need you to tell me, is there a scandal out there? Is there anything at all you need to tell us about your life?
Leslie Knope: Nope.
William Barnes: All right. Well, we'll be in touch.

Tom: Now we have a special presentation, courtesy of the folks at Entertainment 7Twenty.
Jean-Ralphio: Hope you brought a change of clothes. 'Cause your eyes are about to piss tears.
Donna: You nasty.