[hold music continues]
April: That man wasn't my brother. He was my husband.
Andy: [spit takes] How was that? That wasn't good?
April: Yeah, you can do better.
Andy: All right. Give me another one.
April: Okay. I'm pregnant with Josh Groban's baby.
Andy: [spit takes]
April: That was good.

Tom: [aside to camera] It's pretty great having Andy working in the building. The guy is so much fun. His new thing? Piggyback rides! Anytime you want.
[flashback to Andy running through the corridors with Tom on his back:]
Andy: Piggyback! Piggyback! Move! Piggyback! Bam! Piggyback! Bam! Mark! Brendanawicz!

[Andy is giving Leslie a piggyback ride through the corridors of city hall:]
Andy: Giddyup! Giddyup!
Leslie Knope: Oh! Councilman Howser. Hello.
Councilman Howser: Hello.
Leslie Knope: Did you get my proposal for the possible rezoning of Lot 48?
Councilman Howser: I have been busy.
Leslie Knope: I know. But I think it would be a really great thing for the neighborhood.
Councilman Howser: I don't doubt it. But it's really a question of resource allocation.
Leslie Knope: And I completely understand that. But you and I both know that if we wanna find the money, we can.
Councilman Howser: I'm running late.
Leslie Knope: Oh, I'll walk with you. See, the thing is, when we allocate money for parks...

Leslie Knope: Ron, let's cut the bull. I want me, Tom and all the other ladies included on your hunting trip.
Ron Swanson: Hunting trip? We're doing a trail survey, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: You're literally listening to turkey calls.
Ron Swanson: Is this not rap?

Leslie Knope: April! I need you to do something for me. I'm going hunting tomorrow, so call the State Parks Office and get verbal confirmation that our budget documentation is in. Can I just tell you the 16-digit tracking number, or do you want me to write it down? I'll write it down. Can you handle this?
April: You want me to dial a number and then read another number out loud?
Leslie Knope: Yes. Can you handle this?
April: No.
Leslie Knope: Well, try, okay? And if you do it, I will name the first turkey I shoot after you.

Leslie Knope: Ann! Ready to bag some birds?
Ann: Nope. But I am ready to relax by the fire and get my Real Simple magazine on.
Leslie Knope: Well, if you change your mind, you're now officially a licensed Indiana hunter.
Ann: Oh, gross.

Female Voice: [on speakerphone] Hello, you have reached the Indiana State Parks Department. Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line. [Air Supply "All Out of Love" instrumental cover plays]

Tom: Ron 'P. Diddy' Combs. I have to admit, this place is pretty tight. May I interest anyone in some chew?
Ron Swanson: Nice touch, Haverford.

Leslie Knope: All right, safety basics! Donna, can you tell me why it's bad to look down the barrel of your gun?
Donna: Is that a trick question?
Leslie Knope: No, Donna, don't! Please!
Ron Swanson: Rule number one, do not point the weapon at a person. That includes your own face, Donna.

Ron Swanson: Now, every year, before we go on our first hunt, we do a toast. So, grab a beer. To the hunt.
All: Here, here.
Leslie Knope: And to the hunters! The only way to defeat the beast is to find the beast within.
Jerry: Pretty good.
All: Here, here!
Tom: Ron, your toast sucked.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: The traditional toast is "To the hunt!" And it is said by me.