Tom: They put up a fence.
Leslie Knope: Who? [gasps] No!
Andy: What's that?
Leslie Knope: There's a small park on the line between Pawnee and Eagleton, and...
Tom: Last night Eagleton put up a fence around their side to keep us disgusting Pawnee hobos off their precious land. There's even a security guard. You got to show Eagleton I.D. to get in.
Donna: Eagleton is a bunch of rich snobs. And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes with a Harman Kardon Logic 7 surround-sound system.

Tom: [aside to camera] People in Eagleton are straight up mean to us. I would never set foot over there. But it's the only place that I can get my bumble and bumble hair care products, so I'm there every eight days.

Ron Swanson: I command you to do nothing.
Leslie Knope: I'm not gonna do nothing. I'm gonna do something. And it's gonna be really big. I have a lot of years to make up for.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss, and I especially don't like people celebrating because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus, the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Factoid alert... Eagleton was founded by former Pawneeans. Pawnee was established in May of 1817. And by July, finding the smell unpleasant and the soil untenable, all the wealthy people evacuated to Eagleton.

Leslie Knope: Happy Birthday, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Ann said you had a big party... sombreros, karaoke.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I did that for Ann. Why would I throw Ron Swanson an Ann Perkins party?
Ron Swanson: What about the giant list of things April was doing?
Leslie Knope: That was just a list of ways to mess with you. She do 'em all?
Ron Swanson: She did indeed.
Leslie Knope: So I have rented Bridge on the River Kwai and The Dirty Dozen. [cork pops] Artie from security is outside the door, so no one will bother you. And a cab will be here whenever you're ready to take you home.
Ron Swanson: Thank you.

[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Ron refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He's even had it redacted on all government documents. Three years of investigations, phone calls, Freedom of Information Act requests, and still, I had nothing... Until a well-placed bribe to a gentleman at Baskin-Robbins revealed... Ron's birthday is on Friday.
[back:]
Ron Swanson: Damn it. I was so careful.
Leslie Knope: Well, you blew it. All for a free scoop of rum raisin. Was it worth it, Ron? Was it?

Leslie Knope: Good morning, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Good morning. I know how much you enjoy paperwork, but don't hover.
Leslie Knope: Nice bench. Is that new?
Ron Swanson: No, that's been there since the '90s.
Leslie Knope: What are you doing for your birthday on Friday?
Ron Swanson: Nothing. I never d...
Leslie Knope: Aha!
Ron Swanson: Oh, God.
Leslie Knope: [sings] Birthday, birthday, birthday It's your birthday It's your birthday, and I know when it is.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Lindsay Carlisle Shay and I used to be best friends. We worked together at the Pawnee Parks Department. Then she went to work in Eagleton and "fixed her deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds and lost something else. What was it again? Oh, yeah. Her soul.

Ben: Is the Eagleton side really that much better than the Pawnee side?
Leslie Knope: To be fair, yeah. Our side is this scrappy piece of land where kids go to smash fluorescent light tubes. But it has a lot of heart.
April: That's what people always say when something sucks.
Leslie Knope: We should stand up for our town, okay? Pawneeans are just as good as Eagletonians, although on average, we are several inches shorter and 80 pounds heavier.

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.