Ann: So, if I'm hearing you correctly, you're telling me you're not thinking about leaving Pawnee.
Leslie Knope: I am thinking about leaving. Is this one of those classic Ann "not" jokes? Like, "I'm leaving Pawnee...not!"
Ann: I don't do that.
Leslie Knope: I was hoping that you had started.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Look, if Ann wants to leave Pawnee, I get it. I mean, who wants to stay in the greatest town in the world with her best friend and be happy forever when she can abandon her soul sister like an old shoe and move to a garbage city full of jerks. I get it. No hard feelings.

Tom: [aside to camera] E.R.I.C. is an amazing program. Fast, fun and easy to use. But there's one thing no man or machine can beat Tom Haverford at: talking mad trash till I get what I want.

Ben: Okay, let's take a look at this list of assets owned by the Eagleton government. 400 Segway scooters. Sell 'em. They're gone. You had six full-time baristas on the payroll. The baristas are gone. As are the masseurs. And the full-time barista who provided coffee for the masseurs.
Chris: It is excellent having the old band back together again. You know what? This calls for some celebratory lunges. One... two...

Leslie Knope: All right, Donna. There's gonna have to be some cutbacks. I mean, your job is secure, of course. You're basically the glue of this department. But I think Craig's gonna have to go.
Donna: No, you should keep him. He's crazy intense, but I've never met anyone who cares more about this job.
Leslie Knope: Uh, Donna, I'm right here.
Donna: No joke. He might care more than you. Honestly, if I had to choose between him and me, I'd choose him.
Leslie Knope: Wait, what are you saying? Are you thinking about leaving?
Donna: I wasn't planning on it, but I could. You know, I got the condo in Seattle, the fiance in Denver.
Leslie Knope: Huh?
Donna: It won't last.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] It seems like no one around here understands the meaning of loyalty. I am the merger czar. I make the rules. And I'm gonna teach people the meaning of loyalty in a language they will understand: complicated legalese.

Leslie Knope: I kind of feel like we got off on the wrong foot, so I made unity cookies with the Pawnee town's original colors of blue and yellow. However, I did not have yellow frosting, so I had to use mustard. But do not worry. I put tons of sugar on them, so it will even it out. [laughs] Mmm! Sugar mustard.
Eagleton Ron: That's awful kind of you, Leslie, but I'm afraid those are a little too sweet for me. I unhooked from that big sugar train over 30 years ago.
Leslie Knope: You are a man of principle and I respect that, cool Ron.

Ben: How's your salad?
Chris: Well, it's called the "Good Earth Salad," but really, it's just cheese, toffee, and gummy bear worms. This town is really unhealthy.

Ben: You know, I forgot that this part of being accounting bros was actually pretty depressing. I mean, after the intense, almost meth-like high of solving accounting puzzles, we were always just beat at the end of the day.
Chris: I actually think it's something else. Back in the day, this was all we had. We'd go into a town, we'd fix problems. We'd go back to some rundown motel.
Ben: Yeah, you'd exercise. I'd re-watch Twin Peaks, then hit the Twin Peaks message boards and read The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer to find Easter Eggs I'd missed.

Leslie Knope: Anyway, I also have a little surprise. I would like to introduce our new filing temp.
Jerry: Hey, everybody.
April: No!
Tom: No, why? This can't be happening.
Ron Swanson: Why, Leslie?