Leslie Knope: Hey, this is a surprise.
Ann: Yeah, I just wanted to chat for a sec. You know, just so you could hear some things from me. Verbal things from my mouth. Did that sound weird?

Ann: It's not definite. It's just neither of us are from Pawnee. And I have a whole family in Michigan. And Chris is missing life in a bigger city. And I just wanted...
Leslie Knope: [growls]
Ann: .. to talk to you about it so you could hear it from me.
Leslie Knope: [growling continues]
Ann: Do you hear that galloping?
Leslie Knope: Hmm?
Ann: Wha--oh, my-- look at that! Joe Biden on a horse shirtless. That's amazing!
Leslie Knope: Uh, I've got a ton of work to do. I'm super busy, so you... can let yourself...

Leslie Knope: Sorry for the delay, ladies, I was busy being ambushed by treachery. So did you have a chance to compare notes on your respective duties?
April: Totally. Tynny and I have been, like, totally bonding. We've just been like blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! Like, talking, like, so much forever.
Tynnyffer: It was all so delicious.
April: I know, right?
Tynnyffer: This is, like, the best day ever.
April: I know, I'm eating it all up.
Leslie Knope: Wow. It's nice to see a friendship blossoming instead of wiling away like a dying turd flower.
April: Totes. Um, we also came up with these nicknames for each other.
Both: Slut and Skank.
April: How craze-mazing is that, Lez?

Leslie Knope: Well, you know what I think is craze-mazing? Commitment. I'm looking for someone who's in it for the long haul. We are basically creating a new version of Pawnee, and if Pawnee is gonna commit to one of you, you need to commit to Pawnee. Tynnyfer, do you have kids?
Tynnyffer: Ew, no. I've had so much rejuvenation that I don't think a baby could get out of there if it tried.
April: You know it.

Donna: [on the phone] I guess we can make a switch to Bermuda grass. It's only 80 cents more per square foot?
Craig: What? Gimme gimme gimme. [takes phone] You want me to put Bermuda grass in a continental climate that's a six on Beaufort scale? In a park with zero drainage? I want Kentucky bluegrass, I want a 10 percent discount, and I want you to apologize to my best friend Donna! [hands phone back]
Donna: Yeah, hi. Is there - and I'm just guessing here - some kind of medication that you maybe need a lot of and have taken none of or maybe too much of today?
Craig: Oh, I have a medical condition all right. It's called caring too much! And it's incurable! Also I have eczema.

Tom: This guy Eric is a disaster.
Leslie Knope: What do you mean? Just a bad attitude.
Tom: "Oh, I hate this place. Get me out here." That kind of thing. And unreliable. And racist. I think he may have even been to jail. Although, you know, maybe those are just regular face tattoos.
Leslie Knope: Wow. That's not good. I should probably talk to him.
Tom: Well, let me see if can turn him around. I don't want to put this on your plate. You have a lot to deal with.
Leslie Knope: Thanks, Tom. You're the best.
[Tom gives a knowing look to camera]

Jerry: Leslie, I would be happy to go back into retirement if you have to cut the staff.
Leslie Knope: What? Even Larry wants out? What the hell is happening here? Does everybody think that running a town is just some game where people can come and go as they please?
Ann: Okey-dokey, Leslie. You're mad at me. Don't take it out on everybody else. It's not fair.
Leslie Knope: I'll tell you what's not fair. I'm gonna have to watch the Oscars with Ben alone this year. Last year, don't you remember Angelina Jolie and the leg dress moment? He had, and I quote, "no comment." How can you not have an extreme reaction about a dress like that? It just doesn't make any sense!
Ann: Okay, we need to talk.
Leslie Knope: I'm sorry, Ann. I can't understand you. You've developed some accent from that new town you might move to!

Ron Swanson: Knope, what are these contracts?
Leslie Knope: It's just a little something that I drew up for all the employees of the new town. Basic boilerplate language, 50-year commitment, blah, blah, blah.
April: I'm so sorry, honey, but Tynny and I won't sign anything until we speak with our life coach.
Tom: When Eric saw this, he smashed a bunch of computers.
Ron Swanson: Why are you doing this?
Leslie Knope: What's the big deal? I'm just trying to stop time with legally-binding friendship contracts. What part of that do you not understand?
Ron Swanson: You have lost your mind.
April: I think you need a spa day, Les.
Leslie Knope: Fine! You only have to work here until I'm dead! Is that better?

Leslie Knope: Okay, all Eagleton people meet me in the conference room. All Pawnee people, sit at your desks. And take it personally.

Leslie Knope: So, what's your story, new Ann? You're kind of pretty. I mean, you're not "Ann" pretty, but you have potential.
Evelyn: Thank you, but I-I don't work in this department.
Leslie Knope: Shut your kind of pretty mouth and, uh, eat a mustard cookie. Okay, so let's chit-chat, huh? Let's get to know each other and then become familiar best friends.
Craig: I don't have time for this. I'm halfway through designing a bamboo gazebo as a tribute to the founders of Motown.
Leslie Knope: That's so Craig. Oh, Craig! We have fun, don't we?